Dartmouth students love to say ridiculous things. I'm not just referring to the weekly Tri-Delt overheard about waking up still drunk and baking. Dartmouth slang is unique in that the most common phrases at our school are rarely used outside of Hanover. Alarmingly, however, more and more students are abusing these linguistic idiosyncrasies, and I can no longer stand idly by.
-
"Tacky." This word literally means "showing poor taste or quality." If someone is dressed in a tacky way, he or she should theoretically be less attractive than normal. But this is rarely the case. Like all other disingenuous party themes, tacky is really an excuse for partygoers to dress like sluts. If that's how you do you, I'm all for it, but we're not in high school anymore. A principal isn't approving our prom theme. If you expect everyone to dress for a "Geeks vs. Nerds" party by ripping the sleeves off their shirt or unbuttoning their blouse to the navel, then just name the party "Hookers vs. Strippers" and be done with it.
-
"Smooth beers." Okay, you're elitist. Put down your extra-dry Hendrick's martini for one second and self reflect. You're most likely in a staph-infested basement [insert obligatory AD gorf reference here]. Stop pretending you know anything about beer besides how to abuse it regularly. If I gave you Zhenka and told you it was Belvedere, you'd drink it so quickly that the collar on your pink polo would pop back up. You aren't better than Keystone.
-
"Non-profit consulting," "corporations with multiple bottom lines," "a heavy focus on philanthropy," etc. Used by premeds who won't admit they want to be plastic surgeons and econ majors who want to join Panarchy. These phrases have no meaning. They are lies.
-
"Facetime." If we look at the places most commonly associated with facetime First Floor Berry, Collis porch, the Green, the 1902 Room, fraternities, sororities, introductory classes, dining halls, Mass Row, Dick's House it would appear that 90 percent of all Dartmouth real estate is dedicated to social climbing. While some people actively go to these places to see and be seen, the majority just want to eat, learn or get Plan B, as radical as that might seem. Sitting in Collis is not facetime. When girls receive their sorority bids and congregate in Novack to perform a screaming orgy of masturbatory self-congratulation, that is facetime.
-
"Sort of blacked out." You are either forming memories or you aren't. There isn't a lot of gray area here.
-
"Getting weird." If you suddenly find yourself playing Australian doubles in the basement of Cohen on Tuesday night with Jim Gusanoz and a Tuck grad student whilst wearing silly hats, that's "getting weird" in its true form. If you're just really drunk with the same people you always hang out with in the same places you always hang out in, that is not weird. That is, in fact, anti-weird. If you actually want shit to get weird, then you'd better expect to have a meta-moment of self-awareness once or twice throughout the night and say to yourself, "Wow, shit just got real weird."
