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The Dartmouth
May 28, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

How to Aggresively Flitz*

**Not responsible for any broken hearts and rejections

They say chivalry is dead. It is. Blitz (RIP) killed it. Blitz is the opposite of a Canoe Club date, it's ruthless, fast and filthy. It's 8 games of tree while dancing to dubstep. With blitz, there's no awkward "Can I have yo numba?" you don't need to be verbally skilled and you can "flitz" with literally anyone. (Profs included)

Unfortunately, because Blitz mixes business with pleasure, there's much debate over the fine line between flitz and friendliness. How many times have we been in a situation where a blitz is misinterpreted?

1)Trivial Conversation

The sillier the better. The more spontaneous the flitzier. When you watch Jersey Shore you don't see "The Situation" having conversation about how hard his Physics 20 test was, or how midterms totally suck. BORING. Instead throw in some LOL cats. Charm him/her with a pic of an adorable puppy. Or how about that hilarious YouTube video of a cat dressed up as Justin Bieber? Oh, you like unicorns? Me too!

2)No Subject Line

Nothing is more exciting then an unopened blitz with no subject line. It gives off that "Oh sorry I'm a super-busy-social-totally-sporty person who doesn't have the time to think of a subject line" vibe, while adding a slight hint of mystery.


We learned this one in middle school. Emoticons can make the difference between a blitz you would send to a mom-grandma-JYK and a lover. Deciding which emoticon to use depends on interest level from :) (friends?) to :P (maybe not) to the oh so forward winky face: ;) (NOT FRIENDS). Nothing gets the point across like an awkwardly placed emoticons: "Had a Collis pasta with half alfredo/marinara and a side of grilled chicken ;)"


Everyone knows people read their blitzes constantly via blitz terminal, Blackberry, etc. So take your time. Make them wonder why it took you 10 hours to respond to that "What's up."

5)Incorrect Spelling and Bad Grammar

While this article is all about being aggressive, subtlety isn't bad either. Mspel or abbrev. as mch as psble 2 gve off a fun-flirty vibe. Throw in unnecessary letters to indicate desire (i.e. I am soooooo tiirrreeeeeeddddd). 6)Capitals


Examples: Excellent Flitz:


Heeeyyyyy how r u? : ) What did you do lst nite I had super rrfun at TDX, and ended up at foco eating a bajillion CHICKEN WINGS. Speaking of which have you seen this forloco (lol foco!) video its LOL crazy! ;). Lets get forloco sometimeeee?

Subpar Flitz:Subject: Howdy Partner!

Hello, how has your day been? Man, Econ 1 was so boring, the prof almost made me fall asleep lol. Good thing I had my laptop. Anyway, what are you up to for today, want to partake in a friendly coffee break later?

Not Interested Response:Subject: OK

Yeah I'm busy, I'll get back to you later.