September is a pretty strange time for most Dartmouth students. While many of the "ers" are up on campus for the fall pre-season, us mere "non-er" folk usually have pretty quiet Septembers. If you're at all like me, for the past four years a pretty typical day in early September has looked something like this: wake up, check fantasy news, watch SportsCenter, do some excruciating task like going to the dentist or shopping for clothes, see a local parent and get the "Why is that kid home still, I wonder if he fell off the tracks" look, go home, check fantasy news, get lunch at your favorite deli from high school, feel creepy for thinking some high school seniors you saw in the deli were cute, watch SportsCenter again I could keep going but I realize I'm probably only damaging my rep with this level of honesty. Plus, by ending it there, who knows how I end my day? Maybe I work out for two hours, read some classical Shakespeare and then go on dates with sophisticated older women.
Quick funny story about dating older women I was at a family reunion this summer and my entire extended family (including grandparents) was having dinner when suddenly my little cousin, completely randomly, blurts out "What's a MILF?" Easily the highlight of the reunion.
Anyway, as much as I've loved my September itinerary for the last few years, this year I decided to try a different approach. I jam-packed my September with as many fun events as I could think of and actually ended up having a great time. A bunch of those events were sports related, so here's a list of recommendations for anyone interested in how to get through next September, or any other boring stretch of life.
1) Go to a Big 10 Football Game:
This is a must. I went to visit one of my high school friends at the University of Michigan and going to the football game was one of the coolest sporting events of my life. Although the game started at 3:30 p.m., everyone woke up at 8:00 a.m. and started tailgating, there were multiple jet fly-overs, the stadium was the biggest stadium I've ever been inside of, every single student went and nobody sat down or stopped screaming the entire game.
I know, I know, maybe not worth it to fly out to Michigan since that description sounds just like a Dartmouth game, good point.
2) Do an in-person Fantasy Football Draft
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that doing a live draft is way more fun than doing one online, primarily for one reason, you get to heckle. I mean honestly, what's more fun than crushing someone who just took Roy Williams in the 5th round? Zippo.
So, since I lived in Boston this summer, one Sunday I drove up to campus to do a live fantasy draft with a bunch of people who were up here for pre-season. It was well worth it, the only downside was it was kind of embarrassing telling any girl I saw that I drove all the way up to Hanover just to do a fantasy draft.
3) Play "Porn or Professional Tennis"
You need a buddy for this one, but I think it'd be a great game. While watching the U.S. Open, Tivo some points from a match. Then get a computer and have the other person close their eyes. Play either a grunt from the match or from an adult film, and then see if he or she can guess which it is.
I should probably copyright that game idea before Hasbro jumps all over it.
4) Watch Every Episode of "Hard Knocks" Five Times
That one's pretty self-explanatory I think. Best series on TV after "The Wire." Only issue I have with it is why are the guys who tell players they are cut always incredibly unathletic and nerdy looking? Getting cut by one of those guys would be like applying for a job and having someone who doesn't even do the job you're applying for decide that you're not qualified enough based on a piece of paper. Oh wait
