Well, hello there. You are reading my column. That is very nice of you. I like your taste in skimmable-items-in-The-Mirror-I-can-read-while-waiting-on-the-Novack-line. You impress me more and more with every sentence you read/stare-in-the-general-direction-of. Whoa, you're at sentence six?! Oh hey, rockstar. Time for you to proceed to paragraph two.
Now, to understand the title of this column (and, by the transitive property, happiness), let me explain how I write. First, I have the lowest of low-brow taste in movies. Every week, I will inevitably mention at least one movie in the FX or ABC Family rotations. So basically, if you quote Fellini to me, I will punch you. (Ok, I have really small hands so I might just mean-mug you. But it'll be super scary.) Second, I will quote the random-est of the random dialogue of said movies. 1 + 2 = the title of this column, based on the near Shakespearean eloquence of Buddy the Elf's line, "I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite." Ok so now we understand the clearly-very-cryptic title and that I do not fully grasp the concept of trying to seem cool to a public audience. Believe it or not (don't care?), this title was about the 306th option (potential-exaggeration-disclaimer) I came up with, which I shall now share with you in list form because I write in some form of bullet points. (My ADD + your ADD = lists. Having a lot of fun with math right now.) So now we take a look at the titles that could have been
**"So Random."*
Because it sounds funny when Ja'mie says it. Sadly, The Mirror has yet to evolve enough for an audio feature.
**"Unclear."*
Because?
**"My Life on the D-List."*
Because there's a show called this about Kathy Griffin. And because my column was gonna be lists. And they're for Dartmouth which starts with a D This may have been a low point.
**"Li$ts."*
Cuz I wanna be like Ke$ha.
**"You Can Skim This!"*
Because you can and I won't be mad.
**"Sassquatch."*
Ok, real talk: I didn't actually consider this as a column title but I'm really dedicated to spreading this term. And/or bringing sassy back.
**"Black In."*
Because that's always a useful reminder.
**"Lone Pining."*
Because it's a play on words while simultaneously conveying how very very sad seniors are. (Dear freshmen, I want to drink your youth.)
**"Steph's So Dartmouth."*
Because it's so good. Except that column already happened. And identity theft is not a joke, Jim.
**"Read Me."*
Because please.
**"Literally."*
Because I use this word a lot. Most of the time when I fully mean "figuratively."
**"And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going."*
Because this song was in Dreamgirls and Dreamgirls was on FX this summer. And it speaks the truth. I am not in denial. I am just very adamant that this whole "graduation" thing (hereon referred to as G-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named) is utterly fictitious. However, veto.
And those are actually the better ones I discarded. In the end, I had to go with the truth, which was literally (oh look) that Dartmouth is my favorite thing/place/word/bubble/alcoholics-anonymous-training-camp there is. Perhaps there will be some columns where I won't seem to love it so much and maybe, even, appear to hate it. (Look for future column: Ode to the Sun God). But if I didn't think it was the bestest, I wouldn't want to write about it every week. Indefinitely. (See last item on list.)
Okay, so, maybe now you understand my title. And maybe you think it's the worst. And maybe you still don't care. Well whatever, nerd, you just accidentally read my whole column.
Count it.
