"Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?" Graduation, by Vitamin C
John Lennon once said, "Hello, Goodbye." The Legends must do the same today in our final piece of the term. As we re-read our articles and translate them all into 8 different languages (Dartmouth is a global campus), we realized that we are indeed very athletic, but we occasionally sometimes always fail to recognize our opponents' athleticism. This is our apology to the D-I competitors for getting caught up in our own speed, agility, finesse, good looks, agility, fitness, awesomeness, etc. We would like to recount a year of athletics and give thanks and praise where praise is due. Therefore, we'd like to take you to the Legends Lounge for the first annual Varsity Legends Awards Banquet. The award, the Golden Key Card (24-Hour Access to Floren and the Hop), is currently in the sole possession of basketball captain and lacrosse player Robby Pride '10, but he has graciously allowed us to make copies and spread the Legend Love. This year's MC will be the Legend's biggest inspiration Wade "768 Ounces" Boggs:
Best Performance In The Face of Adversity:
Shelley Carpeni '12 and Sarah Leonard '13. Fratz found a real-life cheat code and played the best tennis of his life, hitting serves well over 175 mph. Although he recorded 17 aces, the varsity duo held serve to win. (Once Ludlow learns to hit the ball they're screwed.)
Worst Coaching Decision:
Putting women's lacrosse player Courtney Bennett '13 on the experienced cradler Ludlow, who beat her for a goal in a move of raw (accidental) talent. Cross-listed as "Most Legendary Legend Moment."
Best Sword-Fight*:
Katz vs. Ludlow on center squash court. Katz still has a scar.
**Legend's Note it's fencing.
Best On-Field Kiss:
Fratz and Peyton Tata '11.Legend's Note this did not actually happen ... (Or did it?)
Worst Moment:
Kirk Crecco '12 dunking on an oblivious Fratz and "putting him in his poster." Fratz never actually appeared on any poster of Crecco (although he did have a cameo in a Shaq music video).
Gatorade Fierce Award:
Field Hockey's Kelly Hood '12 for hitting Ludlow in the face on an attempted shot and not caring. Ludlow complained, and Hood replied, "Suck it up, Cake Eater."
The Screen to Court Award:
Kevin "Rox" Cox '13, recruited to Dartmouth on Mario Tennis skill alone, beat the Legends with classmate Alex "Spicy Pants" de Chatellus '13.
The Joe Tracy '12 Award:
No Stretching, No Preparation, No Powerade and No Losing. A decisive victory over the cocky Legends on their first challenge ever. Our egos are still sore, Joe.
The "Last Minute, Thanks for Beating Us" Award:
Julia Watson '12 was contacted 15 minutes before the Legends' 4 p.m. deadline. Within 13 minutes, she had defeated both Legends, written an English paper, showered and ordered eggs at the Hop. The Legends finished the article in time. Thanks Julia!
The Matt Oatway '12 "It Hurts Too Much To Erg" Award
Ludlow dropped out of the 200-meter crew competition after one powerful stroke inflamed his injured rib. Luckily, Katz was prepared and "Iced" him as soon as he got off the erg (Mango or Strawberry Acai?).
It's been a pleasure competing versus D-I athletes all term, and the Legends would like to thank all of our competitors for putting up with our athletic antics. You are all welcome in the Lounge. The Legends would also like to thank Chad Hollis '12 for the format of this article (even though he doesn't know it), the Tampa Bay Rays, professor Donald Pease, Google, Madeleine Ludlow, Bob Katz (Bobcats), Conor Grogan '10, Nicholas Cage '83 in National Treasure 2, Jim Gusanoz (DMS '97), James Wright's voice, Stephen Colbert, the Camp Director of Camp Anawanna (Mark?), John G. Kemeny (Kemeny Hall is air-conditioned), and the staff at The D for not over editing our pieces after we threatened to "Good SAM them all during Finals." Until next term (maybe), be careful because, "The Kids don't stand, The Kids don't stand a chance" (without the Legends).
