In a Bro-filled world, the Legends are faced with the FRATernal conundrum: Can a Legend be a Bro? The Legends Asked Jeeves, who astutely responded, "Did you mean 1988 Acura Legend?" The Legends did not, and thus turned to the union of a Bro's two favorite things, women and lacrosse (women's lacrosse), for answers. The Legends threw in another Bro favorite, freshmen women, and contacted Courtney Bennett '13 and Ellie Clayton '13 for a lax showdown. They said "Okay."
Courtney Bennett '13 hails from Darien, Conn., a town best known for the Darien Library, which consistently ranks in the top ten for "best places to check out a book" by HAPLR (Hennen's American Public Library Ratings). As is common for the town's young folk, Courtney came across many books on lacrosse, such as "Relax, You're Playing Lax," by Apollo Anton Brono. She picked up a stick early on and is cited as single-handedly starting the Lax Craze that has swept areas including Connecticut, Baltimore, Virginia and Carnival Cruises (Bennett summer vacation spot). Multiple Divison-I colleges recruited her, but she stayed true to her roots and chose Darien High School. She captained lacrosse and soccer her senior year but also acted admirably in Darien's spring musical (Wizard of Oz) despite being underutilized as Window Frame No. 2. In lacrosse, she was named an Under-Armour All-American her senior year, giving her tremendous amounts of free gear (ColdGear and HotGear), which she promptly donated to un-athletic inner-city youths. Courtney's sister Eliza '10 convinced Courtney to attend Dartmouth by explaining, "I'll show you how to use Blackboard before you get here. You'll be set."
Ellie Clayton '13 grew up in Hingham, Mass., dubbed "Bare Cove" by the English when they colonized in 1633. Source: Wikipedia. She attended Thayer Academy (Massachusetts), where she captained lacrosse and cross-country her senior year. Source: Dartmouth Sports. Jonathan Katz '12 also captained cross-country his senior year in New Jersey. Source: Self-call. She wrote her college essay about "Breaking 1,000 Friends on Facebook, But Wanting More." Source: Facebook. Ellie proposed to Dartmouth on the JumboTron at a Yankee Game and Dartmouth said, "Let's live together for four years first." Ellie put her hands in her pocket (see Dartmouth Sports roster photo), shrugged her shoulders, and said, "Okay."
The Legends arrived at Scully-Fahey field 25 minutes late after Katz had clogged Ludlow's toilet and then had tried to unclog it with a toilet scrubber. The girls were quietly sitting cross-legged on the infield when the Legends arrived and politely instructed them to "grab a stick, no not that one, that's my game stick, no not that one, okay good." While the Legends normally wear no protective (soft) gear, Bennett and Clayton sweet-talked them into wearing goggles and gloves by winking repeatedly.
The teams pitted All-Americans vs. Americans, first to five goals, and mild to aggressive checking (see Ludlow's right hand, poor baby). Bennett matched up with the more experienced Ludlow (two years in middle school, lots of playing time at Attack, earned the nickname Ben LudFLOW), while Clayton babysat Katz. After Clayton missed an open goal, Bennett quickly made the excuse, "She plays defense! And the lights just turned off!" but, as we all know, Legends Aren't Afraid of the Dark (except that ridiculous Clown episode. Holy crap. That episode was terrifying). Bennett's aggression mixed with Clayton's soft hands got them off to an early 4-0 lead, which resulted in tremendous heckling from the pair.
Although the girls were now chanting, "Legends can never score," the Legends found inspiration in the words of BroBama and yelled, "Yes, We Can." Katz sprinted to the side, isolating Ludlow one-on-one with Bennett, where Ludlow strategically dropped the ball, quickly picked it up and beat Bennett around the edge for a score, 4-1. Ludlow and Katz tried to console Bennett with, "It's okay, you play offense," which she responded to with a score ... 5-1 ... Damn.
The Legends left the field dejected and still without an answer to the FRATernal question, "Can a Legend be a Bro?" But they did come up with some cool Bro names: Tom Brokaw, Brony Kornehiser, Bilbro Baggins, Dirk Diggler, Brohan Santana, Roger.
The Legends would like to thank Bennett and Clayton for taking time out of their already very successful season and wish them the best of luck at home this weekend vs. Penn.
The Legends would also like to remind you to spay and neuter your pets, and until next week, Be Legendary.
