This week Ben "Bruiser" Ludlow and Jon "Fratz" Katz faced off against Dartmouth sprinter Joe Tracy '12 in the 60-meter dash. While Tracy is currently in season, he sought out the Rec League Legends for competition that the Ivy League has yet to provide.
Tracy hails from Glenview, Ill., where he discovered his proclivity for fast running in the third grade when he sent Suzy Carpenter to the hospital in an unfortunate Red Rover accident. While he discovered this talent early on, it wasn't an easy burden to bear. Tracy always felt a bit left out because he was untaggable and never "it." After an ongoing battle in an "it" dominated society, Tracy turned to the track.
"People still chased me, but getting tagged got you DQ'ed," Tracy said.
Tracy led a very decorated high school career (Google "Joe Tracy Glenbrook Really Fast") and, enticed by free Muscle Milk and "that cool self-massage roller thing," came to Dartmouth to earn the right to work out at Floren.
As soon as the race was set, the Legends went into intensive training. For two straight weeks, Katz did not attend any x-hours and Ludlow drank only blue Powerade at the Hop (no ice). They also cut the sleeves off of all of their shirts and stopped wearing winter clothing because "cold is just pain leaving the body," according to Katz.
Katz and Ludlow arrived at Leverone Field House late Tuesday, ready to shock the Upper Valley and walk on to the Dartmouth track team. They were fully prepared to race (having done 5-10 pushups each), but Tracy demanded "warm-up laps" and "stretching."
While the Legends discussed who should lead the 4x100 at Heps, Tracy "warmed up" by gallantly striding around the track and raising his leg really high multiple times to "stretch." He seemed confident and relaxed as he finished his pre-race routine while the Legends were busy doing hip thrusts in front of as many girls as possible.
The first race of the day (and according to ESPN.com, the biggest race of the week) was a 60-meter dash between Katz and Ludlow themselves. John Turro '12, a star mid-distance runner, attempted to give the duo starting tips, but Katz did not want to hear it.
Ludlow flew off the line, holding a five-meter lead through 40 meters, but Katz hit a Mario Mushroom to snag a victory, clocking in at 8.90 seconds.
At this point, a crowd began to gather with coaches, athletes and Jim from Gusanoz, seeking to catch a glimpse of the Legends in their D-I glory. Tracy finally finished warming up, rolled over to the starting line and asked, "How big a head start do you Alumni Gym-goers want?"
Befuddled, the Legends wondered, "Did you watch our first race? Coach Harwick already offered us spots on the 4x100. Toe the line, chief."
Harwick could not be reached for comment by press time.
The competitors got into the blocks, where Tracy went into a perfect sprinter's stance, Ludlow squatted and Katz stood straight up. As the gunshot sounded co-captain Ted Lesher '10 clapped his hands and said "go" Katz false started, but nobody cared.
Within two meters, Tracy held a five-meter advantage, which continued to increase at a dizzying rate. Katz weaved in and out of Tracy's lane, attempting to throw him off, but Tracy remained unfazed he had a solid eight furloughs on the field.
Despite Ludlow's dive at the finish and Katz's Usian Bolt-like dancing down the final 10 meters, Tracy still emerged victorious at the finish by an official margin of 6.5 cups. Katz stormed off the field and told Harwick he was transferring to Cornell while Ludlow, the more gracious loser, blamed it on last night's Gusanoz.
As the Legends stood defeated, a Cool Runnings-like slow clap overcame the infield. Katz shed a tear and Ludlow put an arm around him and said, "It's okay man, we can always lie about this in The D."
The Legends would like to thank Tracy and the Big Green track and field team. After a strong showing at the Dartmouth Relays, the team is looking forward to the Dartmouth Indoor Classic their next home meet on Feb. 6.
Tune in next week for a game of H.O.R.S.E featuring Dartmouth men's basketball player Kirk Crecco '12. Until then, Be Legendary.
