Here are a couple of predictions for this coming weekend. Michael Moore's new film, "Capitalism: A Love Story," is going to tank. The season finale of "Entourage" won't be that fun to watch. And Dartmouth football is going to win its first game since 2007.
I know none of those appear to be good bets. Michael Moore's films always do well, this season of "Entourage" has been one of the best, and betting on the Dartmouth football team seems about as smart as betting against a pizza delivery man in a porno. History suggests that it's a bad bet.
I think the film won't do well because Moore's time has passed. When liberals were angry about Bush being in office, they were happy to pay 10 dollars to go get more angry about Bush being in office. That's why people went to see Moore's movies, to get more reasons to be pissed at Bush. Now that Democrats are in power, however, Moore's fan base is not nearly as riled up, so his new movie will not do as well as his past films.
As for the season finale of "Entourage," I don't think it will be a bad episode. I think watching it won't be fun because about 12 minutes into it you'll realize that you have less than 10 minutes left before you're left with no more new "Entourage" for a year. That'll probably ruin the rest of the episode for you. Plus, despite starting the season as one of the most attractive TV show characters ever, Sloane has been slowly losing that appeal over the past few episodes. I'm not sure if it's her character's personality, or what, but something is different. We can only pray she comes roaring back in the finale.
In a related tangent, after typing that paragraph I started wondering if Sloane is the most attractive TV or movie character ever, personality and everything included. The only contenders I could come up with are Lyla Garrity (Minka Kelly) in the TV show "Friday Night Lights" and Rachel Jensen (Mila Kunis) from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." If I were older, I'd go with Ta Leoni from "The Family Man." I know that's kind of a weird one, but she's got a certain spunk to her in that movie that's unbeatable.
In case it hasn't been clear, in this column I've been trying to put off talking about my only sports-related prediction for as long as possible. The reason is obviously because the evidence isn't really that strong in its favor.
Dartmouth football is currently in the midst of a 14-game losing streak that dates back to 2007. During that stretch, the team has been outscored 494-207, and the Big Green lost last week by 30 points to the University of New Hampshire.
That said, I think there are a lot of signs that suggest this could be the week for Dartmouth football. First of all, last week's game was a lot closer than the score indicates. In fact, the Big Green would have probably led midway through the third quarter, had it not been for a costly fumble. I know that type of analysis sounds like a DartmouthSports.com headline, which somehow puts a positive spin on everything that happens in Dartmouth athletics, but it's actually true. Heading into that game, the Wildcats were ranked No. 6 among FBS schools. The fact that Dartmouth had the chance to take the lead in the third quarter is very impressive.
Another impressive sign from the UNH game was how Dartmouth responded after fumbling the opening kickoff of the second half. The Big Green was down six points and UNH, after recovering the fumble, had outstanding field position. The feeling everyone watching the game had at this point felt all too familiar.
But then a peculiar thing happened. The Dartmouth defense stopped the Wildcats and forced a tough field goal attempt that UNH ended up missing. If Dartmouth's defense can make more momentum-changing stops like that against Penn, the Big Green has a great shot at winning.
There are a couple of other good signs for Dartmouth. The Detroit Lions, whom Dartmouth football usually mimics in the win-loss category, won last week. Penn's mascot is a Quaker. Quakers don't even believe in war. Essentially we are playing The Peacemakers in a super-physical sport. Pretty scary.
Finally, I recently learned of the Dartmouth tradition of rubbing the nose of the bronze statue in the Tower Room for good luck. So I went and did it for luck with my predictions. The statue is of a former dean of Dartmouth. His name? Craven Laycock.
Final prediction: Dartmouth 27, Penn 20. But even if I'm wrong, at least I got to learn about good ole' Craven Laycock.
