I'm far from a cola fanatic, though I admit I probably drink more carbonated beverages than most people. Sure, cola yellows and rots away your teeth -- and caffeine in large doses has a plethora of unpleasant side effects -- but I don't care. I just enjoy the taste.
Well, I used to at least, before Pepsi deliberately ruined my life.
Every year for Passover, The Coca-Cola Company releases a product known as "Passover Coke," which is made with real cane sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup. Usually the product is on the shelves in small quantities for a limited time, because Passover is not very long, and the product targets a relatively small demographic. But cola enthusiasts still stockpile the limited time offer in their basements as if it was food rations during a nuclear winter.
This year, though, the cane sugar craze went beyond Passover. PepsiCo has one-upped Coke and released "Pepsi Throwback," which, like Passover Coke, is made with real sugar. The company's target isn't the Jewish community, though -- it is marketing Throwback to anyone who wants to relive the glory days of cola pre-1980s, when there was no corn syrup to be found in Coke or Pepsi.
I made the grave mistake of trying this product. I'll be clear: it was far better than Pepsi, or any other cola, I have ever tasted. With every sip, my tongue was awash with the subtle delights of sweet acidic nectar, transporting me into a state of single-minded bliss where nothing, not even swine flu, could get me down.
Why was it a mistake? Because this product is only available until June 13. Yes, despite being generally marketed, it's still a limited time offer. Come June 13, I don't know if I'll be able to return to corn syrup-sweetened sodas.
According to an official release from PepsiCo, "The Pepsi Throwback and Mountain Dew Throwback packaging feature a retro look and are sweetened with natural sugar ... to give consumers a taste of the past."
PepsiCo may as well have admitted that it is intentionally teasing the American public in the name of sales. My sixth and eighth amendment rights are being violated: not only are Pepsi's actions cruel and unusual, but I also don't know what transgression I have committed to warrant such a punishment. Pepsi deities, please forgive me for drinking the fruits of any false cola before you!
It seemed to me that the choice was obvious: PepsiCo could easily outsell every Coca-Cola product by simply switching to sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup. In fact, it was too obvious. I stopped writing my billion-dollar idea to PepsiCo and decided to look into why the major cola producers don't use sugar.
As with many nostalgic inquiries, the answer can be summed up with the statement "things were just better back in the day." Coke and Pepsi were both made with cane sugar before they made the switch to corn syrup (and before that unfortunate New Coke disaster). The reason why they made the switch is because in 1982 a number of tariffs and import quotas on cane sugar came into effect, arguably to protect domestic farmers from foreign competitors who could post lower prices. Within two years, the major cola producers switched to corn syrup as a cheap, domestically grown alternative to natural sugar.
I've heard all the arguments for and against free trade in the past, but I'll admit I wasn't that significantly invested in the argument. I've always somewhat leaned towards free trade -- protectionist policies hurt third-world workers and the development of their economies, strain our foreign relations with countries hurt by these policies and also stunt the growth of new industries in our own economy. However, the scale in my mind has been wholly tipped. If sugar quotas are getting between me and a truly delicious cola, then someone has to put an end to them.
Our government's involvement in our economy should be dedicated to giving consumers more choices for the products they use -- not less. I'm a consumer, and I want a cola beverage made with real sugar. I don't think I can enjoy any cola sweetened with corn syrup any more, and I don't want to have to build a shed to keep my stockpile of Passover Coke all year.
