The NBA Playoffs theme is "Where Amazing Happens," and naturally the theme song is Kanye West's "Amazing." However, the first round of the playoffs has been more baffling than anything. Blowouts, guards exploiting awful defenses and two-man teams have all been seen so far. The question posed in the black-and-white promotional videos for the NBA Playoffs should not read, "Where will amazing happen this year?" but rather, "Do half of the teams in these playoffs even deserve to be here?"
The matchup between the Boston Celtics and the Chicago Bulls, which is easily the first round's closest, has been highlighted by stellar guard play. The Celtics' "Big Three," consisting of Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen, won the championship last year for the Celtics. They made every big play and every big shot on their road to the title. Meanwhile, Rajon Rondo, Boston's version of Lightning McQueen, played important minutes as the starting point guard during last year's run. With Garnett out for the duration of the playoffs, Rondo has proven that he deserves credit, and has elevated his game to the point where he's nearly averaging a triple-double every game of the series.
Rondo's averages of nearly 24 points, 10 rebounds and 10 assists per game solidify the fact that the Bulls' defense is porous and ineffective. Not even Lebron James, who took on the now defense-free Detroit Pistons in the first round, has averaged a triple-double in his team's sweep.
If the Celtics end up holding off the pestering Bulls, it will have been because Rondo is looking to join Garnett, Pierce and Allen in promotional posters next year with the title "The Big Four" underneath them.
Guard play, however, doesn't always translate to victories. In the contest between the San Antonio Spurs and the Dallas Mavericks, the Spurs' ballerina-like Tony Parker was dominant, averaging 29 points and seven assists a game. Against the Mavs, Parker looked like Usain Bolt in the Olympics, running up and down the court, scoring at will and making the Dallas defense look silly -- until the Mavericks won the series in five games.
Nonetheless, Parker carried the Spurs on his back in this series. Household name Tim Duncan decided to start playing in games four and five, but his efforts were too little, too late. Duncan's creaky knees forced Parker to play at an unforeseen level, as evidenced by his 42 points in game two, which resulted in San Antonio's only victory in the series. In these playoffs, either you win or go home, and because Parker was the only Spur to show up, the team is now going home.
The Mavs' blowout of the Spurs, however, wasn't even close to the most lopsided series in the first round. Remember back in the day when you would beat your friend so badly in Mortal Kombat that he would cry, but you would laugh? That's essentially the Denver-New Orleans series. Denver has taken advantage of the Hornets' various injuries. Chris Paul, the perennial superstar point guard of the league, is playing through a sprained knee, while other teammates are playing with broken elbows, hobbled legs and ThermaCare HeatWrap-supported backs.
Quite possibly the worst moment of the entire first round was Devnver's 58-point clobbering of New Orleans on Monday. When I think of the number 58 in basketball terms, I think of a possible number Dennis Rodman could've worn, the combined score in a pee-wee game or the age of a head coach. I do not think of a margin of defeat in an NBA playoff game. The Hornets had no answer for the Nuggets, who were firing on all cylinders. I wouldn't be surprised if NBA commissioner David Stern is pondering whether he should give New Orleans the first through fifth picks in the upcoming NBA Draft so that they can get some legitimate players on that team to help out CP3.
At least the Hornets won a game, though. The Pistons just barely made the playoffs, but their celebration was short-lived when they realized they would play against arguably the best player in the world: LeBron James. NBA players fear James like wizards fear Lord Voldemort, especially when James drives the lane like a freight train on his way to throwing down an acrobatic dunk.
This series was over when the Cleveland public address announcer called James' name in the introductions in game one. After that, Detroit immediately proceeded to get manhandled by King James and Co. in a four-game sweep. At least the massacre didn't last too long.
Once the unsuccessful teams are weeded out, the playoffs will actually become interesting. Possible matchups in the second round include LeBron versus jack-of-all-trades Dwayne Wade, and Kobe Bryant versus Yao Ming. The NBA marketing braintrust should've held off on its slogan until the second round, because that's where amazing might actually happen.
