Dear Hannah and Anna,
As part of the seduction process, I lent my art history notes to a girl in my class that I wanted to "get to know better." Let's just say, mission accomplished. The bad news is that I'm trying to subtly peace her out, and I don't want to hook up again, but we have a midterm coming up and I need my notes. How can I get my notebook back from a girl that is trying to be my girlfriend if I don't ever want to see again?
Thanks big time.
--Should have NROed and/or abstained
Dear "Should have ..."
Damn girls. Will we ever understand these god damn vagina-bags**? What nerve do these foreign creatures have to get attached to you after all you do is sleep with them once, tell them you love them and introduce them to your mother? Damn. Just be glad that you abstained from the latter two, or you'd have a serious problem on your hands. As it stands, there's still hope for you.
How you choose to "peace her out" is up to you, and we're sure that a man of such class and physical stature (well, we imagine ... ) can solve this "problem" with grace and sensitivity.
But ... the real problem still remains in the missing notebook. Obviously, anyone who knows anything about relationships will tell you the following (it's the oldest trick in the book):
Show up at her room, pretending you're returning something of hers. Bring in a generic female article of clothing, perhaps a pair of white ankle socks, and say, "Oh, you left this in my room, and I thought I'd return it to you." When she cries, "That's not my pair of white ankle socks!" respond, "Well that's my notebook!"
Grab it and run. Simple as that, "Should have ..."
But we leave you with this final thought: Is it even morally acceptable to share notes in the first place? What does "share" even mean? You ponder this, Dartmouth.
Until next time,
Hannah and Anna, selflessly dispensing advice to the socially awkward and confused (we know because we've been there)
