In a pathetic attempt to recover some of last season's record high attendance numbers, Dartmouth club hockey offered free admittance to the general public for last Sunday's game against Colby-Sawyer College. It didn't work. The apathetic nature of the Dartmouth club hockey fans remains a serious concern. The symbiotic relationship between Clubber and fan has been irrecoverably severed; as Dartmouth continues to pound its opponents week after week, fans continue to stay at home. The only attendees besides the season ticket holding Zamboni driving guys were several girlfriends of the visiting team. And sadly, the recycled Varsity Senior Day banners that hung all around Thompson Arena were admired only by these few lucky souls.
Following a rousing locker room speech by lone senior and serial sin bin occupant Kevin Arnold '05 (1a), an inspired Dartmouth came flying out onto the ice, delivering bone crushing body checks and pinning Colby-Sawyer to its defensive zone. Justin Lewis '08 (1g, 2a) commented on the physical style of play as well as the gentle and polite nature of the opposition, "I nailed no. 9 at center ice. That was sweet ass sweet. They were real sweethearts other than him though. Like the fat kid said 'nice hit,' and after I scored he said 'nice goal.'"
Exploiting the opposition's numerous weaknesses, Shane "I'm the star" Colegrove '07 (1g,4a), received a pass from Joshua M. Navikonis '05 (1g, 1a) in the neutral zone, sped past two defensemen and slipped the puck between the goalie's flailing legs. Not to be outdone, Colby-Sawyer produced its own magical moment two minutes later. Catching Dartmouth's defensemen pinching in on an attack, a diminutive forward received the puck past center ice and scored on the slowest breakaway goal in Club Hockey history. "It was like when you watch those videos in middle school Earth Science where they show lava from volcanic eruption flowing, and its really taking its time getting down the hill, but you know in the end that it's going to do something, and by the time you wake up, you see that the city near the volcano is gone," said Jamil Batcha '06 (1g). Dartmouth quickly rebounded and scored two additional goals to end the first period leading 3-1. The Clubbers quietly entered the locker room.
Dartmouth began the second period flat, and surrendered an immediate goal. Colby-Sawyer once again took advantage of the Clubber's inadequate defense, forcing goalie Chuck Rosenwasser '06 to make a series of sprawling saves before being beaten low on the blocker side. The Clubbers, undeterred, continued to attack Colby-Sawyer mercilessly. Siberian Irat R. Feiskhanov '08 (5g) took the duty upon himself and scored two goals in the span of 30 seconds. Feiskhanov attributed his stunning performance to the new practice regimen recently implemented into Club Hockey practices, "We play 'Vyshibaly.' It is game we play in Russia, where there is one person in middle and rest of people on outside throw pucks or balls at him." As the second period progressed, Dartmouth scored two additional goals courtesy of Feiskhanov and Navikonis.
With the commencement of the third period, it was evident that the game had finished as a competitive contest. Honoring the Colby-Sawyer coach's request that the remainder of the game be played on a running clock, the Clubbers decided to use the abbreviated allotment of time to continue to embarrass the opposition's goaltender. After donating two goals to Colby-Sawyer, Dartmouth replied with three of its own, courtesy of Justin Lewis '08, Batcha and Alicia Petryk '06 (1g, 1a). In the post game press conference, a glowing Colegrove spoke about his new defensive partnership with Shamir Kapadia '07 (2a): "Colegrove and Shamir work just as well together as Stempniak and Oullette."
