Following in the footsteps of such journalistic luminaries as David Klein, Rebecca Leffler and Mark Sweeney, The Dartmouth's Katie Van Syckle cops Sweeney's style and asks the questions that others have too much professionalism or integrity to ask. Today, Van Syckle sits down with campus character Griffin Gordon '06.
The Dartmouth: If you had to jump down a hole and stay in a land of madness for several weeks with one AD dog and one AD brother, who would it be and why?
Griffin Gordon: Tough call, but I'd have to go with Vic dawg and Michael Curley. I thought about Kyle Smith since he's so warm and cuddly, but I had to go with Curley in the end. Why? Because I could eat Vic, since he provides so much meat, and Curley would provide stimulating conversation for hours, and I'd never get sick of him. Haha, no no, I'm just kidding, I'd kill and eat Curley too.
The D:Do you have any latent fears? Mack Trucks, iPods and/or big white rabbits?
GG: I've actually been having these dreams where this giant rabbit (I think it's the Energizer one; he's got those sunglasses on) is driving a Mack listening to his iPod. And, like, I'm running away from him, but he can't hear me yelling because of the iPod, you know, and I'm like running in super slow motion, and "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" is blasting, and it's like really scary, yeah. And . . . then I find $5.
The D: Amy Grant or Cheryl Crow?
GG: I only listen to Journey. Sorry. Just Journey. Next question.
The D: A child of Winnetka, Ill., setting of "Farris Bueller's Day Off," who would you take in the sack: Farris, Cameron or Mr. Rooney?
GG: Why can't I have Sloane? Sloane's a babe. Could I at least have her in that hole of madness or whatever? Who writes these questions?
The D: It is widely known you hold the illustrious position of vice president of the 2006 Class Council. Are you a martini or daiquiri man?
GG: Actually, not many people know I'm vice president of Class Council. In fact, not many people know what Class Council does, so let me take this opportunity to tell people about it. We traffic drugs. From Colombia. What, you think Assassins pays for itself? And let me tell you something else you might not know about me: I smoke rocks, Joe Rogan.
The D: What is your idea of a perfect date?
GG: First, I'd take you out to dinner. Homeplate, Food Court, whatever. But you're swiping yourself; I'm out of DBA. Then we'd head to the frats, maybe play some pong, if we could get on a table. I'm looking for someone who's good and can carry me, because I play like a little girl when I get drunk. Then I'd probably boot, and you'd go home, and I'd order EBAs and pass out somewhere. Maybe some awkward acknowledgements the next day, who knows! Blitz "gcg" if you're interested. If I'm not available, try blitzing "the dales."
The D: Have you ever experienced facial hair travails: sideburn woes, goatee longings, whisker impotence?
GG: Whoa, whoa, watch it with the impotence. Let's keep that out of the interview, thanks. Anyway, some people might not remember this, but I actually had a little something going on my upper lip during Winter term. A lot of people mistook me for Tom Selleck; it was weird. Like, all I was doing was growing a little 'stache and people in the street would be like, "Tom? Tom Selleck? I loved Mr. Baseball!" But I'd have to set 'em straight. A lot of disappointed faces, let me tell you.
The D: Who is the world's hottest political figure?
GG: I pick Keira Knightley, from "Pirates of the Carribean." Wasn't she a political figure of sorts? Like the governor's daughter or something? That counts right? I think that should count. Or Sophie Marceau from "Braveheart." She was a queen, that one definitely counts. No? Then I pick Condoleezza Rice. Baby got back.
