When I first heard Jerry Springer was considering running for senate in 2004, my imagination immediately started running wild. Would the Senate chant "Jer-ry, Jer-ry" every time he made a speech? Would he try to solve partisan feuds with televised episodes entitled "Hot Republican love triangles" and "I secretly love Dick Cheney"? Perhaps Senator Springer might invite back old guests during slow Senate hearings. Straight out of Chappaqua, Bill Clinton and his lovely wife Hillary would star in "I've been lyin'." James Traficant would be a shoo-in for "toupee-toting jailbirds." And Trent Lott would act with aplomb as the disgraced Southerner in "I'm sorry, take me back." Move over CBS, here comes CSPAN's very own Jerry Springer! Teenagers and the unemployed would finally become connoisseurs of the political process. Stay-at-home mothers will now be able to discuss the intricacies of the federal legislative process. Springer will drudge up the past and unearth new creepy congressional muck all on live cable TV. Oh, the possibilities are endless
Surprisingly, Springer always had his eye on politics. After graduating from Tulane University and obtaining a law degree from Northwestern, Springer served as an aide for Robert Kennedy's presidential campaign. After RFK's assassination, Springer moved to Cincinnati to practice law. After a few years, Jerry ran for mayor and won with the largest margin of victory in the city's history. Springer was one of America's youngest mayors ever, and his political hunger didn't stop there. In 1982, Jerry ran for governor of Ohio. Unfortunately, Springer lost in the Democratic primary. He quickly departed the political scene and jumped into broadcasting. For 11 successful years, Springer served as anchor and managing editor for Cincinnati's largest news station.
With seven Emmys under his belt for his nightly commentaries, Jerry decided to move on. He propelled himself into the limelight -- or the slime-light, if you will -- when he took the job of hosting his very own program, "The Jerry Springer Show." His guests run the gamut of grossness. From morbidly obese men to members of the Ku Klux Klan, every perversion imaginable has a seat on stage and is beamed to just about every television set in America. Jerry has made it his mission to dwarf all other talk shows and sleazy syndicated series. While Rosie O'Donnell tosses lame toys and candies at her audience, Jerry encourages his guests to hurl vile obscenities at each other. More fights break out on one episode of "The Jerry Springer Show" than during most hockey seasons. Hockey players usually have more teeth than Jerry's guests, however. Bill O'Reilly engages his guests with thoughtful and incisive questioning. Springer, on the other hand, promotes boorishness and good old fashioned ignorance. Despite some of Jerry's guests' uncouth mannerisms, his show is one of the most popular day time shows of all time. It can be seen in over 150 U.S. markets and in over 30 countries. What a success story!
Not only is Jerry Springer a successful television host, he is a veteran humanitarian. He has taken part in dozens of fundraising activities, such as co-hosting "Stars Across America," the Muscular Dystrophy Labor Day telethon. Jerry also created the enormously successful charity news program, "Cincinnati Reaches Out." This broadcast documented the continuing efforts to aid famine- struck Ethiopia while encouraging viewers to donate money to the cause.
Jerry Springer can bring much to the Senate. "I want to be helpful in rebuilding the party," Jerry told Democratic insiders when informing them of his intentions. Springer definitely has the qualifications of peace maker. He's mended dozens of broken relationships on his show -- including that of a lesbian dwarf couple. His empathy and thoughtfulness always shine through. Whether dealing with confused hermaphrodites or cantankerous Klansmen, Jerry listens intently and respectfully. His guests might be unusual -- even a little offbeat -- but Springer treats everyone with dignity while taming his wild audiences. Perhaps Springer is just what Congress needs. A man of the people, Springer will represent America properly. Now the only question left is whether there's room for one more clown in Congress?
