Yes, it was inevitable. A sequel to the popular, yet controversial column that ran at the end of '98 Fall term was unavoidable: there are many things on this great green globe that deserve immortalization here. So, then, without further ado, our list. Here are things that bug me.
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Trying to fold up bedsheets.
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Incompetent ORL bureaucracy.
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Classes that are freezing cold -- in the summer!
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The Baker Bells. (Sorry.) They're always reminding me of how late I am for class, or how much time has passed without my homework getting itself done.
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Junk mail. I may already be a winner.
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Forgetting what I was doing.
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What was I doing?
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ID card thieves.
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The Dartmouth Review.
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The slow but steady takeover of the local NBC affiliate by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
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The real world.
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Internship searching. I say, let the internships come to me.
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Today's fashion.
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Yesterday's fashion.
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Wiffle bats with no wiffle balls.
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Long news stories about trees getting cut down. Who cares? Hundreds die in a flood or an earthquake, and that story is little more than a paragraph on page three.
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Contestants on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" who show me up with their knowledge of landlocked African regions and obscure Daryl Hannah movies.
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Dead flies that congregate in my lampshade.
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Dodge "Different" commercials. (Thanks, Philpy!)
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Three classes in a row.
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Two classes in a row.
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Hell, classes in general.
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Dogs that shed all over my backpack.
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Things that are misnumbered.
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Anything with salami in it.
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Strangers who flood Food Court and cause thirty-minute lines. Yes, I applaud Dartmouth hosting debate camps and Rassias Foundation programs and hamster trainers, but I'm paying $10,000 to be here this summer, and I want my food NOW.
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Public bathrooms.
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The closing of public bathrooms for cleaning, twenty minutes before class, when I'm about to brush my teeth.
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Claustrophobic toilet stalls.
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Shower stalls that smell like decaying corpses.
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Sanborn closing at 10 p.m.
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Local attorneys and their incessant television ads. Up yours, Dennis Schillen!
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David Letterman.
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Pretentious poets.
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Big, stupid jocks.
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Any girl attracted to a big, stupid jock.
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Science.
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Rational thinking.
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Bike people.
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Like, rain on your wedding day, or a free ride when you've already paid, or the good advice that you just didn't take -- and who would've thought it figures?
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Cars that don't stop when I suddenly walk in front of them.
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People who don't appreciate the subtle power of a column like this.
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Hours that disappear. What's up with that?
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Boy bands that suck. In other words, all of the boy bands.
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"People who ask you for annoying things so they can put them in a column." -- my roommate
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Orange cupcake shortages.
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War.
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Famine.
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Death.
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Ending columns abruptly --
