The other night I was sitting at home, two in the morning, watching cable TV, because I have no friends and/or life. I'm pretty pathetic. The show that happened to be on was a taping of a fraternity hazing. They were inducting a new member by humiliating him in front of a huge crowd of people, directing horribly demeaning remarks towards his appearance, his personality, his religion, even his closest family members (who happened to be there watching). He could do nothing about it, and he had no chance to speak up or defend himself. He was forced to sit in a chair, facing his audience, while speaker after speaker tore into him. The jokes were offensive in every possible way: vulgar, obscene, profane, misogynistic, racist, and anti-semitic. There was mention of Dr. Ruth's nether regions. The crowd laughed and jeered. Finally in the end he passed the test and was allowed into the fraternity as a brother.
So where am I going with this? It was Comedy Central, and Jerry Stiller was being roasted as a new member of the Friar's Club. While it would be a horrifying scandal on any college campus, it is the highest honor a comedian can receive. What makes this possible is that it occurs off of Dartmouth's campus and involves people that have a sense of humor. "What's that?" asks the administration. Well, if you could step down from your high horse for a moment I might tell you. Well, nevermind ... I'm apathetic and lazy ... try looking it up on the internet, I'm sure there's a link somewhere. Just make sure you're not violating any honor codes. And before you collectively ruin hundreds of pairs of seersucker boxers, and kill millions of trees printing out HB pamphlets that no one will read, let me quickly (yeah, right) establish that I'm not condoning hazing. I'm condoning people having the freedom to think for themselves, honor each other the way they choose, and having enough of a sense of humor not to take themselves too seriously.
Of course none of this applies to us as Dartmouth students. Being among the finest students in the country, we are obviously too young, immature, and stupid to make these decisions for ourselves and must have a benevolent and all-knowing administration and trustee committee let us know what we can safely listen to and/or speak about. Thank God, because I almost heard an off-color joke the other day and it would have made me a permanent non-functioning member of "the outside world." Clearly the best people to educate us about "the outside world" is a college administration in the middle of nowhere along with some exorbitantly rich and powerful Ivy League trustees, because more than anyone else, anywhere, they live in it.
I have no point. Like everyone else involved in the Student Life Initiative report and campus politics, I'm pompous, self-righteous, conceited, and just like to hear myself talk. I think it's a good idea since I want to be a trustee when I grow up.
Furthermore, I too am going to appoint myself an expert on "the outside world," and make some of my own sweeping generalizations:
-- A really good way to educate people is to not let them make any of their own decisions, hold their hands through every step of their education, and give them just enough fake power to make them think that they actually know how to use it.
-- In the real world, people never choose their own circle of friends. Friends are in fact appointed by a secret government committee.
-- In the real world everyone adheres to the same exact values, customs, and priorities.
-- The best way to learn how to think for yourself and be creative is to only be able to exercise your rights within the values and standards of 10 rich white people from New England.
If you've read this far, you're almost as pathetic as I am for writing this drivel, but you might as well read the last few sentences:
Part of learning from and about other people is being offended by them, and then having enough moxie to speak to them about and try to understand what values, experiences, and cultural background would lead them to their opinions. One of the best ways to learn nothing is to have other people make all your decisions for you, and live in a world so sheltered that your values and opinions are never challenged.
