I don't usually write things that are important or even relevant, but this time I thought I should write about something that touches all of our hearts. I'm talking about Winter Carnival.
I began thinking about Winter Carnival when I walked past the work-in-progress in the middle of the Green, a great heap of snow and wood that looks like a malevolent whale. I was thinking, "Wow. Very like a whale. Where's Ahab?" I suppose the skier will represent the doomed captain.
I left campus last year during Winter Carnival, so this is going to be my very first one. Sure, we all remember high school when the principal slipped on the ice and we danced around him like circling wolves, but that wasn't really a winter carnival. That was more of a riot. There was also the time when we made urine designs in the snow, but that wasn't a winter carnival either. I don't know what that was.
But this, this is Winter Carnival! A time when smiling, happy people do smiling, happy things, which hopefully will not include peeing in the snow. There's the Polar Bear Swim, in which man and beast square off in the depths of Occom pond. (I put my money on the polar bears.) There's the Keg Jump, in which man and beast try to jump over kegs. (Or something.) And of course, the Winter Whingding, which promises to be an enchanhted evening of splendor and mirth. (Actually, I don't know what the hell it is.).
I learned yesterday that the term "carnivalesque" existed many thousands of years ago, and that carnivals were invented later just so the word would actually mean something.
Traditionally, carnivals include feasting, music, merriment, booze, sex, drugs and Mick Jagger. Carnivals such as those celebrated in New Orleans, Rio, and Venice can last a month, or more. So, why is Dartmouth's Winter Carnival limited to a three-day weekend? I propose a month, or at least a couple of weeks, of constant partying, to conclude on Feb. 27th (which, coincidentally, is my birthday).
Also, we need more primitive aspects. Let's have some real, old-fashioned feasting, and eat food right off the floor. And none of this "Let's all keep our clothes on" mentality. I'd like to see people get buck naked and celebrate Winter Carnival Adam-and-Eve style. I'm thinking revise it, retitle it, rework the whole theme. "Lest the Nude Traditions Fail."
Who's with me? Think of it. 17 days of revelry, and the only price you have to pay for all this fun is paid in the form of a birthday suit. Let's go all out with the carnivalesque, and have some fun.
