I'd like to have a word with Cupid. Maybe it's just me, but I was under the impression that he existed only to sling arrows of love into the hearts of the young. I thought that he lived for nothing other than to ignite the flames of passion, spark the magic, all that good stuff. Clearly, I'm wrong. Or maybe just unlucky. Whatever the case may be, his arrow missed me by a long shot. In other words, unless I become skilled with a lasso, wrestle the little cherub to the ground, and personally impale one of those damn arrows into my heart, I don't think that I'm going to make it under the wire with a boyfriend in time for Valentine's Day.
But then again, that's no reason that I can't write a love letter. No, not to any particular boy. I've only ever told one guy that I loved him. I know that, for me, loving a guy is some serious business, not to be treated lightly or said casually. So instead of crafting some love letter to a random male just for the sake of it being the big day, I thought that I should use this day to celebrate those I DO love -- my best girlfriends.
The thought of the importance of female friendships came to my attention at work the other day. A student came into the office, a freshman girl. Since I do work in Harvard's Academic Advising Office, I suppose I should be used to, well, advising students, but it still comes as a shock to me that they come to ME for advice. Anyway, this particular student is so easy to hate -- beautiful, great clothes, beautiful, always surrounded by guys, beautiful, popular with practically every guy on campus ... the whole nightmare. So this student comes into the office the other day and starts to cry. When I asked her what was wrong, her answer caught me off-guard. She blurted out, "I miss my girlfriends."
I was dumbstruck. This girl, who seemed to have everything (and, at times, more than she deserved), missed having good girlfriends. She told me that while having a ton of boyfriends was great, she was lonely and sad. At a new school, far from home, I was the closest thing she had to a female that she could open up to. She might have perfect hair, a Barbie Doll figure, and a different Ken Doll lookalike at her side every day, but quite clearly, she didn't have everything.
When I think about it, I wouldn't know what to do without my female friends. Don't get me wrong -- I absolutely adore my male friends. And come on, I would never try to claim that having a boyfriend isn't great. It is. And when you date someone who you not only like as a boyfriend but also as a friend -- when your best friend and boyfriend happen to be one and the same -- well, it's amazing. But when it comes down to it, it's my girlfriends that count.
And specifically, it's the friends that I made in college that I love the most. Maybe it's because I lived with them and saw them every day. Maybe it's because I was more sure of who I was by then. Maybe it's because we had all had our fair share of obligatory friends and fake friendships and it just wasn't worth it anymore. All I know is that when I look back on school and look through my photo albums, it's my girl friends who made it survivable, liveable, and enjoyable. It's not just the big moments that matter the most, although they certainly count. It's the little ones, the day-to-day going-ons that are most significant. My girlfriends were the ones who would make me laugh and let me cry, and never once said, "Yo, shut the hell up." They were honest when I needed tough love and gentle when my bruised ego didn't need to hear the blunt truth.
Girlfriends helped convince me that breadsticks with extra ranch dressing counted as healthy food (EBA's, Kristin Will?). Girl friends were the ones who streaked the Green with me (Meghan, that's for you). They're the ones who held my hair away from my face when I booted in a snow drift outside Sigma Delt (Um, Amie?) and yanked me out of a garbarge can in a South Mass. bathroom (Ok, I'm still so sorry, Amie). When I insisted that I just couldn't go to class and face a random hook-up, you promised that it'd be less painful to just go and get it over with (Thanks, Gretchen). Sophomore summer, when I got second-degree burns from laying out too long at the river, you rubbed Solarcaine on my skin (Amie, I'll name my first-born after you), and when I dropped my beer into the river while adjusting my tube, you tossed me one from your own stash (I owe you one, Adrienne). Senior year, when we were sick and tired of all the guys that we had been surrounded by for the past four years), you told me that it was OK to date amongst the lower ranks (Catherine...). Much like the Academy Award speeches, there's so much that could be said and just not enough time. So I'll just say it: Girls, I love you.
Everyone has moments just like these, but all different and individual in some way. What makes them unique are the friends. If you think back to three years ago or last night, chances are you spent some part of it with your friends. Laughing, crying, whatever. You just were. You might get sick of them at tines, you might fight, you might get pissed off, but they've helped make you who you are. You can cut them out of your history just about as easily as you could cut off your arm. They're a part of your past, and if you're lucky, they'll be a part of your future too.
Anyway. After the freshman girl stopped crying, I told her to relax, that she had a lot going for her, and that she was just stressed. But I also told her to get on the phone and call her friends from home, and then to get out there and make some new ones. Because without some solid girl friends, she was going to be awfully lonely once her chocolates were eaten and her flowers died.
With that in mind, Valentine's Day is almost here, and true, I probably wouldn't have time to write this out if I currently had a boyfriend (let's face it, I'd more likely be hooking up or eating candy). But Cupid or no Cupid, I just couldn't let it go by without giving a shout-out to SOMEone. When it comes down to it, love is a fickle business. There are no certainties. But that being said, I'd be willing to bet money that my friends, my close friends, aren't about to desert me, nor I them. I wouldn't give them or our experiences up for the world. I can't imagine life without them. So to all the girls out there -- former, current and future friends -- Happy Valentine's Day. I love you guys. You know who you are.
