Dear Y&Em,
I've been going out with my boyfriend for several months now, and things are going great. Last term, he had a single and I had a double with one of my best friends, but she's off this term so I now have a single. The dilemma arises: should I go to his room or should he make the journey to mine when we want to spend 'quality time' together.
Who's Walk of Shame is it Anyway?
Dear Walk of Shame,
You've happened on one of the biggest struggles of an otherwise functional college relationship. This is an age old dilemma dating back to the cavemen (a close relation to the Dartmouth Frat boy). If a guy visits the girl, it's 'romantic.' However, if a girls visits the guy, its a social "no-no," kind of like wearing white before Easter.
Clearly what has appeared is a power struggle. It is never an issue when only one member has a single, but with two, it's a battle of the sexes: Hulk Hogan against Jessica Rabbit. Are you going to stand there and let him erase you like some badly drawn cartoon character?
Of course you're not. So how can you get him to come to your place, have we got a plan for you. So, he blitzes the typical guy blitz: "you there?" Immortal words of Shakespeare, not quite. Immortal words of a Dartmouth blitzer, probably. Clearly the drain of imagining the pleasure of seeing you has damaged his verbal capabilities.
Now remember, even if you are sitting by the computer, do not blitz back right away. That would be desperate -- and you aren't desperate. After a decent amount of time has passed, lets say, 13 minutes and 30 seconds, for arguments sake (remember to set your watches to Dartmouth standard time), you blitz back.
So you blitz. "Yeah, I'm here, wanna come over and 'talk.'" This word, "talk", has many implications. He might think you are going to break up with him and will come running over with more of those flowers from around Occum Pond. But then again, maybe he thinks you two are such great conversationalists that he loves to spend time and truly talk about the important things in life, like which Frat has the best beer, which character on Fraggle Rock was the coolest, and which sports teams are the strongest. Wait a minute, what kind of girls know about sports anyway?
If this does not send him running over, you must use the power of temptation: tempt him with your charms, tempt him with your pleasures, tempt him with EBAs.
Obviously he might have missed your subtle question of "you wanna come over" because he blitzes back "so, you coming over or what?" Remember girls, high analytical and scholastic skills do not make great thinkers.
Then you respond "but I already showered and don't want to go out in the cold. I'm afraid of the big bad bear. And I'm already in my nightie."
He's caught the ball, he's running down the field, and he's looking to score. He might even try for the extra point.
And remember, if you aren't good, the monster under your bed will make your toys disappear.
Until next time,
Y&Em
