Not long ago, I met a man at a meeting. He was good-looking and seemed nice, and, since we attended similar events and had common interests, we chatted for awhile. Minutes later, after the requisite conversation covering names and majors, we began to discuss the FSP he had gone on in a recent term. Then I realized just who I was talking to. This man had raped an acquaintance of mine. It all matched, the name, every detail. Why had I not realized this before? What should I do in this situation? Should I confront him with these allegations? What would he say? After all, here in front of me was someone I had reason to believe was a rapist, someone who had hurt an individual that I knew personally. And I had no idea what to do next.
I must have looked somewhat disturbed at this moment because his next question was to inquire if I was OK.
How should I answer? "No, I am not OK. I am talking to a rapist and that makes me uncomfortable?"
Somehow I wasn't sure I could say that and make a scene. Instead, I said I was fine and simply excused myself from the room. The conversation ended, as have many others I have had with men and women I believe to be guilty of sexual assault, with no discussion of the wrongs he may have committed.
But what should I have done? Is it better to say something accusing and provocative when meeting these people or should I choose to say nothing at all? Should I put information about rape-crisis centers and groups for perpetrators in their HBs or privately tell my friends what I have learned? I find the choice of how to treat rapists to be one of the most difficult and hard to reconcile decisions I make, because it is, in many ways, the most direct way I know of to confront and take responsibility for the problem of sexual assault at Dartmouth.
I am involved in many of the alphabet soup of organizations that deal with sexual assault at Dartmouth and fall under the umbrella of SAAP (Sexual Abuse Awareness Program). I help to guide administration policy on the SASH (Sexual Assault and Sexual Harassment) Committee. I am trained to counsel survivors as part of SAPA (Sexual Abuse Peer Advisors). I organize faculty and administrators into the counseling network SAAN (Sexual Assault Advisors Network). I plan SAAW (Sexual Assualt Awareness Week) and, through this, work with SAGE (Sexual Awareness through Greek Education) and REACT (Rape Education Actions Committee).
All of these groups do good and important work on campus. So then, why, despite increasing faculty, student and administration involvement in preventing sexual violence, is the problem still so prevalent? Why can I still meet people who rape on the Green, in the Hop or in a meeting? And what can or should I personally do when I see these men and women, when they talk to me, when they act as if I don't know that they are guilty of a violent violation of a human body?
Looking at Sexual Assault Awareness Week and its theme "Taking Responsibility: Compassion is not Enough. We Must Act," I am forced to ask myself what actions I take to ensure the safety of both women and men on this campus. Does my involvement change things, especially if the best I can do when confronted by a rapist is to behave as if nothing is wrong? Why, despite the efforts of many people, are the perpetrators of these crimes still here, perhaps even reading this article?
The answer is that I have no answer. I have yet to reconcile the personal responsibility I can and must take to prevent sexual assault with the difficulty of doing so when confronted with a man or woman who rapes. So, my question to you is this: how can I, or anyone, take responsibility for the problem of sexual assault at Dartmouth? I am neither strong nor courageous enough to answer this question alone.
