I woke up this morning to the alarm clock.
The alarm clock noise is a horrible sound isn't it? That high pitched wailing is like an air raid siren. Except for maybe having a vagrant stay in your room and violently shake you awake every morning, I really can't think of a worse way to wake up.
So I get up this morning, by the alarm clock, not the vagrant, and immediately I decided to shave. I've always wondered why men shave in the morning right after they wake up. Who thought of this sequence of events? I'm sure the best time to run a sharp razor blade over important parts of your body is in the morning when you're half asleep. It's like drinking a bottle of Nyquil and then purposely operating heavy, dangerous machinery.
After shaving I usually end up staring vacantly into the sink for a while, wishing I was back in bed, before I finally move on to taking a shower. I enjoy taking a shower, but showers always seem like they break the flow of the morning. When you're still in bed it's quiet, you've got your little quilt, there's not much going on, but then you get in the shower and suddenly for the next ten minutes you're completely naked, there's steam, hot water, things that are lathering. If you throw in a wind machine and some background music you've got yourself a pretty decent low-budget film.
This morning I realized for the first time that I'm down to that last little sliver of soap again. The sliver is about an inch long; it's like trying to shower with a handi-wipe. So this morning I finally decided to unwrap a new bar, and the new soap actually has the word "Soap" carved across it. Well, I'm glad we cleared up that confusion. Is this necessary? I'm naked, standing in a shower. What else would I be unwrapping? A snickers bar?
So I finished up with the soap and I started to wash my hair. Now this may just be me, but for some reason whenever I'm in the shower I always end up getting blinded by the shampoo. I think if I ever went to prison, that would be about the end of washing my hair. About the last place I want to be blind and naked is in a prison shower. That would make a great advertisement for tearless shampoo, wouldn't it? I hear the words, "Well, lookee here Jimbo, that boy is looking real cute," and I'd just be thinking, "Why didn't I get the tearless shampoo? Why? Why?" (Note: This part is actually pretty funny for me because my New Year's resolution is ironically to stay away from large naked men with tattoos, so I think I'd be okay. The resolution seemed a bit extraneous at the time, but now I'm glad I made it.)
Aside from being in prison, I think normally a hot shower is very relaxing. In many way, it's like getting a massage. Allow me to digress for a moment: Now I say this, but I've never actually gotten a professional massage before. The parlor always seems like some depressing bachelor guy's apartment -- all the lotions, the scented oils; there are robes, weird lighting, soft music. There's all that touching, the rubbing, the manipulations; you're completely naked. But I think that's really my main problem with the professional massage: I'd be naked, but the masseuse would be fully clothed. That doesn't seem right. I think I'd be more comfortable if we were both naked. And the guy at the front desk, he should be naked too.
So that was my morning. There was shaving, a shower was involved, there was even some mention of scented oils. I often end up late for class after all this, but when I mention the part about the scented oils the professor usually doesn't ask any more questions.
