If it wasn't for my press credentials, I might have had a decent seat instead of being banished into the corner with the rest of the press corps.
There's no reason I should be seated next to William Safire, who, I was told, was only invited because President Clinton figured he could drunk up Safire in order that the First Lady could get in a couple of good whacks.
Tiring of Safire's banter about the origin of "G.O.P.", I politely excused myself and bumped into Tom Hanks who spilled a club soda all over himself. Instead of blaming me, he apologized about his clumsiness. He really is the nicest man in Hollywood.
I then overheard Joe Klein, talking about the current book he is working on about a senator from one of the Plains States whose life is one long down turn after the other.
First, he suffers a traumatic war wound; then, he attempts to run for president three times, and upon his final defeat for the presidency, has to swallow his pride -- hard -- when he receives a medal for his service in the military from a president who protested the same war. Finally, his is only remembered as the lovable loser whose finalpublic appearances were on sitcoms, late night comedy shows, and Super Bowl commercials.
Joe stressed that the senator he's writing about is just a character in a novel.
Right over Klein's shoulder, I was stunned to see Kenneth Starr, Senator Fred Thompson, and all the justices of the Supreme Court.
Suddenly the President thrust himself in front of me.
"I want to thank you and all the young people without whose support I would not have been able to win this campaign," the President remarked.
"Thank you, Mr. President," I replied. But realizing had a potential scoop for The Dartmouth I asked if he had a couple of minutes to answer a few questions.
"As long as you keep your queries on tonight's events," the President quickly answered.
"No problem," I begrudgingly said. "I noticed the menu for tonight has macaroni and cheese as one of the main courses..."
"Well, I told Hillary to make sure she finds the most striking gown to wear, but I didn't realize she was going to spend big bucks. The president has to balance his budget too -- plus those legal bills," the President groaned.
"What about Kenneth Starr, Senator Thompson, and the Justices of the Supreme Court?" I asked not expecting too much of an answer.
"Marc, between just you and me..."
"That should be just between you and me."
"I probably shouldn't have seated you next to Safire. Just between you and me, I have a little plan for tonight. There's no need for me to celebrate four more years if I've got all these allegations ahead of me. I've decided to wine and dine those who control my fate in office."
Skeptically I asked, "Do you think those with that much power can succumb to a pleasant dinner?"
"Look at Tom Hanks," the President beamed confidently. "He was all set to play the presidential character in the movie version of Primary Colors . If the audience watches the movie and hates the nicest man in Hollywood, what chance do I have? Now he dropped the role, and actually thinks of me as his friend."
"You are awfully conniving."
"And Brinkley said I didn't have an original bone in my body. Look at Joe Klein over there. They call his book original. Original? He just rewrote history, and he's doing the same now. That why I invited him here. I hope he rips Dole."
"Those are pretty harsh words about the Senator."
"Who care's. Dole's all washed up. How did you like my eulogy about his political career on Friday?"
"Okay, but Mr. President, I was a little surprised to see you award the Medal of Freedom to Dole since you have called him an evil man."
"Did you read that Dick Morris book? He has an extra-marital affair and gets a million dollar advance to write his memoirs; I have an extra-marital affair and all I get is the presidency."
"You and Gennifer Flowers were actually...," I hesitantly said.
"I was just kidding."
"Well, thank you for spending some time with me, Mr. President, and never uttering the phrase, 'Bridge to the 21st Century.'"
"But I didn't get a chance to mention the Vital Center. You see, the Vital Center is like a jelly donut. The government is the doughy part of the donut. But people don't just want the dough, they want the jelly. And they only way the people can get the jelly is if Congress and myself find a way to compromise on the issues."
"Sir, I'm not sure I completely understand your analogy."
"Well then, Marc, the Vital Center is like the burger in a Big Mac..."
"Thank you again for your time Mr. President."
