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The Dartmouth
March 4, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Douglas isn't the best candidate, even in fantasy

To the Editor:

As long as we are happy to blur the lines between fantasy and real life, I offer a few reasons why Laura Zachman might want to reconsider her write-in vote for Michael Douglas as president.

In "Wall Street," Michael Douglas played capitalist from hell Gordon Gekko, happily pronouncing that "greed, for the lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works." Which as far as I can tell, sounds mysteriously ... Republican.

In "Fatal Attraction," Michael Douglas played a philanderer whose wife forgives him after a one-night-stand. Which sounds an awful lot like Bill Clinton to me.

In "Disclosure," Michael Douglas plays a man who is sexually harassed by his female superior. Which is far more of a white male liberal fantasy than anything presented in "The American President."

For the better part of ten years, Michael Douglas has embodied the ultimate male sex fantasy: Money and beautiful women and a great job (how come he never plays a street bum?) with no strings attached. In voting for Bill Clinton, everyone hoped that he would make much the same transformation that Michael Douglas has made in "The American President"-- from gluttony and half-truths to a state of liberal piety. As that hasn't happened thus far (and as I don't entirely buy Douglas' transformation either), I offer an alternative write-in candidate: Nell (as played by Jodie Foster in the film of the same name). She cares about the environment because she lives in a tree house, she wants to reform the legal system ("Nell no li lowya o jujes, Nell wah us geh lon"), and she's a real people person. And she likes "pahcah." Besides, it is about time we have a woman in the White House. Nell in '96.