In a speech last night, a Harvard University Health Services' psychologist Sam Osherson said males struggle with conflicting desires to be open about their feelings while still fulfilling the ideal of the "strong silent man."
He began his talk, called "Men, Women and Intimacy in a Time of Changing Sex Roles," by defining intimacy as "how we want to be seen."
He expanded on this idea by using the example of a son who described his father as a "starched collar." Osherson used this image to explore the ideal qualities for men.
"In a funny way, I think there is an ideal image in a starched collar -- clean, unbending, unruffled, not dirty," he said. Osherson said men are pressured by internal and external expectations that often stem from their perceptions of their fathers.
"It's helpful to understand what it's like to grow up male," he said. "There is a struggle to get a real sense of what it really means to be a man."
Much of Osherson's lecture dealt with a father's changing role in his children's lives, focusing on his influence on their self-perception and identity.
Osherson opened up the discussion to audience participation and explored the ideal images society holds for men and women.
"When we're talking about ideal images, the other piece, the underside, is shame," Osherson said. "Shame refers to the gap between your sense of self and your ideal sense of self."
Osherson summarized the elusive "struggle" involved among societal ideals, paternal influences and the formation of self identity.
"Men and intimacy -- that's an oxymoron," Osherson joked.
The event, which was sponsored by the Men's Discussion Group, also touched on gender relations in the college setting.
