Dear Freak of the Week,
I have a huge problem. I matched with someone really cute on Last Chances, but I don’t know if they were just guessing or not. They put me first, and I’ve been eyeing them for a long time, but I’ve just been pretending like it didn’t happen every time I bump into them. What should I do?
- Last Loser
Ah, Last Chances. It reminds me of those cartoons where the guy is mining towards a mountain of diamonds but quits right before he hits the jackpot. It always feels like that next name is gonna be the one, the one where you match with the super cute, cool and definitely unattainable person that you always see around campus or on Instagram. And then, if you do match, you have to deal with the whole “I was just guessing” thing, and all of sudden a really exciting moment turns into a complete disappointment.
But forget my saltiness. This is actually super exciting, and I’m so happy for you! Here’s my two cents: if you’ve been eyeing them for a long time — and it’s not a completely delusional obsession — chances are they’ve been eyeing you too. Clearly you talk to this person if you’ve interacted with them since, so it’s probably not an admiring-from-a-distance thing. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a chance that they were just guessing you, but I feel like my strategy on Last Chances is this: if I’m guessing people, I’m only putting in people that I would want to match with. Why would you guess someone that you actively wouldn’t be interested in? It’s better to leave the people crushing on you a mystery than match with someone that you aren’t into and make it awkward. The only time this rule doesn’t apply is in the last couple days of the site, where people start spamming random names. It’s still week six, so you should be in the clear on this issue.
In my eyes, you have two options. Either flitz them, or if you’re ballsy, talk to them in person. It doesn’t have to be some big thing, but just a cheeky comment and a laugh. I think if you play your cards right, this could become a fun little spring fling and maybe even more. If they say that they were just guessing, they’re weird for putting in someone that they didn’t want to match with, and you’re still hot anyways. Good luck!
- Eli
Dear Last Loser,
First of all, you are not a loser! You are just a Dartmouth student with a crush. Which, ok, maybe the same thing. But still. We’ve all been there.
Reader, let me tell you something: I know multiple relationships that started because of Last Chances. Not we-hooked-up-once-and-now-pretend-we-didn’t situations. Actual relationships. Like eat-meals-at-Foco-darkside-together, meet-up-after-Tails relationships. All because someone was brave — or just delusional enough — to send that message. So yes, it can happen.
If you match with someone on Last Chances, there are two reasons: you like each other, or one or both of you guessed. Let’s look at the facts: they put you first. That’s not a guess. That’s a statement. And it’s not even Week 7 yet! Real, true-blue guessing doesn’t start until post Green Key desperation kicks in.
Here’s the golden rule: if you feel a vibe, there’s probably a vibe. Don’t let your fear talk you out of something that might actually be good.
That said, always assume a Last Chances match is real. If someone guesses a Last Chances match, it is entirely their fault if the person they guessed reaches out. It is not embarrassing for you. At all. In fact, if they’re taking the risk of guessing you, chances are, they’re probably still down. Just saying.
Bottom line: yes, definitely reach out. This is someone you like and they probably like you back! That is so exciting. Send that flitz, or at least say, “hi.” It’s called Last Chances for a reason. Take that chance. Embrace it.
- Leila
Freak of the Week is a weekly relationship advice column co-written by Leila Brady ’27 and Eli Moyse ’27. If you’d like to submit a question, email it to dartmouthfreakoftheweek@gmail.com
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He is from Connecticut, and studies government and creative writing.
On campus, Eli is an active member of the Dartmouth Political Union and Dartmouth Army ROTC. He attends Dartmouth on an ROTC scholarship, and upon graduation, he will commission as a Second Lieutenant in the U.S. Army. He has been an active writer and political organizer from a young age, working on over 15 political campaigns varying from local to presidential races, and publishing both fiction and nonfiction on various platforms.
First and foremost, Eli loves to write, and he intends to make some form of it his full time career after his time in the Army.
