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The Dartmouth
May 6, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Any Given Thursday

Last week we talked about how it would feel to be a fan of the teams in the Western conference of the National Basketball Association, and this week we will talk about the teams in the East.

Atlanta Hawks: They have one of the best playing styles in basketball. They move the ball, spread the floor and are extremely efficient. They are reminiscent of a younger version of the Spurs dynasty. Atlanta has emerged from a team on the edge of a playoff seed to a veritable powerhouse. Everyone should jump on the bandwagon.

Toronto Raptors: The Raptors are surprisingly good for something coming out of Canada. They play a free-flowing style of basketball, and with some unbelievable athletes complementing one of the best point guards in the league, the Raptors are the best thing to come out of Canada since maple syrup.

Chicago Bulls: A devastating blow to D-Rose, as he hurt his knee again. You really have to feel for the guy. There is a possibility he returns for the playoffs, and with the emergence of Jimmy Butler, this team is poised to make a run in the playoffs.

Cleveland Cavaliers: With one of the top two best basketball players in the world, one of the best starting lineups in basketball and one of the worst owners to disgrace this league, Cleveland fans better appreciate how lucky they were to stumble backwards into getting LeBron.

Washington Wizards: John Wall is one of the most explosive players in the NBA, and yet the Wizards still find a way to under-utilize his talent. The Wizards are on the brink of breaking through, but as a fan you have to be frustrated with the way the management put together this team.

Milwaukee Bucks: One of the most exciting young teams in the league, Bucks fans can look forward to years of highlights with Jabari Parker and the Greek Freak, Giannis Antetokounmpo. Jason Kidd has proved to be one of the best young coaches in the NBA, and this team will only continue to improve by leaps and bounds.

Miami Heat: Surprisingly, the attendance at Heat games has not dropped since LeBron left. Despite receiving a lot of criticism for consisting of bandwagon fans, Heat supporters have stayed loyal and were rewarded at the trade deadline with the acquisition of Goran Dragic. This team has upset potential, and the fans should stay right where they are.

Brooklyn Nets: The most overpaid and under-performing team in the NBA. Your 2014-15 Nets can proudly boast having three of the 20 highest-paid players in the league. Last year, this franchise managed to lose $144 million. To put that in perspective, the next least profitable team lost $13 million. Without a first-round draft pick until 2018, only the most hard core of Nets fans are sticking with this team.

Charlotte Hornets: It’s Charlotte, nobody really cares. If you’re a fan of the Hornets you’re 1 in 300 million.

Indiana Pacers: The Pacers have returned to mediocrity, which is unfortunate, but everyone saw it coming. If you were a Pacers fan you should jump onto another bandwagon while there is still time.

Boston Celtics: This year’s Celtics might as well be named the “Island of assets and misfit toys.” Just because a team has interesting young players doesn’t mean it has an interesting young team. For Celtics fans, the best hope is that some of these young guys can be flipped for a superstar.

Detroit Pistons: Exhibit A through Z of why Josh Smith is the basketball team equivalent of a parasite. Pistons fans are reaping the benefits of Stan Van Gundy’s cheeky decision.

Orlando Magic: The Magic are probably the least covered team in the NBA. Can you name their starting five? They are irrelevant — not quite bad enough to make fun of, but not good enough to be a playoff team. If you are a Magic fan, you should go to the beach and forget about basketball for a while.

Philadelphia 76ers: This team’s current mantra: “Trust the process.” This team’s current advertising slogan: “Together we build.” If that isn’t just the most thinly veiled way of giving every 76ers fan the middle finger, then I don’t know what is.

New York Knicks: “I only care about the Yankees,” said everyone in New York.

That is our last article for this term. Thanks to everyone who has been reading or otherwise supporting our column! Hope you all finish out the term well, and we’ll see you in the spring.