| 7/10/14 9:43pm

SEAD Mentor: If Teddy Grahams were sold as cereal rather than cookies, America would never emerge from its obesity epidemic and we would all be okay with that.

Philosophy Prof: I never wipe. If I get skid marks, I get skid marks.

DDS Employee: I couldn’t find my pants! I was like, “I live alone. Where are all my pants going?”

’16 Girl: What is he but his music and his hair?Other ’16 girl: His eyes?*murmur of agreement*

’16 Girl: I was, like, totally afraid I was gonna black out, and then I did!

’16 Guy: That’s not the first time I ate a whole diaper, but it’s the last time I’ll eat one with my eyes closed.