by The Dartmouth | 10/3/08 3:21am

'11 Girl: All I want is revenge, so I can run around the football bleachers in a green bikini shouting ,"Come on, baby!" for my imaginary boyfriend while that pastey asshole suffers a slow death of guilt, sorrow and jealousy.

'09 Guy: Hey do you know what I was thinking as a pickup line? Hi, I'm [redacted], I'm a senior.

'09 Girl [Looking at '09 East Wheelock Boy's condom collection]: Ooh, they come in guava!?

Guy 1: As a UGA, should I be offering him protection?

Guy 2: Do it, slip it under the door with a note!

'11: In terms of frats that aren't on top of their shit, BG is king of being not on top of its shit.

'11 Guy [at Chi Gam dance party]: Dude, I just booted, and now I'm here to get a girl.

Girl 1: Ooh, what kind of, like, sauce is that?

Girl 2: I think it's the, um, like, thigh peanut?

'12 Boy: What do you think of Keystone?

'12 Girl: Best beer I've ever had.

'12 Boy: Really?

'12 Girl: Well, yeah, I guess I mean I have nothing to base it on.

'12: Boy: Oh yeah, me too, I guess.

'11: Hey Dad, this form is asking me to list my "total assets." How much was my iPod touch?

'09: Are you guys familiar with the term "Blitz out?"

'12: Yeah, it means to just go crazy, right?

'09: No.

'12 Girl: Well, it's not like I've seen librarian porn, but if I were to watch one, I would want the librarian to look like Palin. Not gonna lie, I think she's kind of sexy. She freaks the shit out of me though.

Boy [pointing to the Armitage Gone! dancer on poster]: MOMMY!!! Look! It's what you do!

Mom: What? That?

Boy: Yoga!

'09 Girl [Motioning to hit guy in crotch]: Gender check!

'10 Guy: Hey, that's no good. You wouldn't like getting punched in the vagina.

'09 Girl: Are you kidding? That's exactly what sex is: you punch me in the vagina 50 times a night.

'10 Girl: Can we get zip-up sweatshirts?

'10 Guy: No way, zip-ups only look good on five-year-olds.

'10 Girl: [awkward pause].