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So You Think You Can Dart: If Dartmouth Had Reality TV

(04/11/17 4:21pm)

I don’t know about you guys, but 17W's Dartmouth Idol was probably the highlight of my day/week/month/year/life not only because of the insane talent, but also because of a couple cuties who, I swear, were singing directly to me. The life changing experience prompted the thought: What other reality TV shows could potentially thrive at Dartmouth?


How to Attract the Attention of Your Non-Facetimey Crush

(04/10/17 12:41am)

There are two types of people in this world: those who are facetimey, and everyone else. Even when it seems like the entire campus and their prospies are in the KAF line post-10As or every machine in the gym is occupied, there are some elusive folks you just never see around. And, of course, your crush happens to be one of them. Perhaps the mystery adds to the allure, perhaps you just don’t know enough about them yet to know their daily habits and frequent locales, but you saw them in the Collis pasta line that one time and you’ve been infatuated ever since. It’s difficult to play hard-to-get when they’re hard-to-find, but with these tried-and-true methods, you won’t have to Foco squat in desperation to finally have that long-awaited interaction.





10 Ways to Honor Phil Hanlon this President's Day

(02/20/17 5:30pm)

College President Phil Hanlon lives a tough life. With his roles as a college administrator, prominent mathematician and side gig as an Alpha Delta legend in the flesh, our president has a lot on his plate. With President’s Day upon us, it’s time, we, as students, took some time out of our own lives to honor our dear leader. We cannot, of course, reach the levels of academic rigor that he espouses, nor can we achieve temperance of the sort he would like, but in his shadow we can grow to become the study beasts of PH77’s dreams.


Texts From Last Night: Winter Carnival 2017 Edition

(02/15/17 5:11am)

It was quite the magical Big Weekend for 17W. Whether you had one too many (butter)beers or someone hit you with a Forgetfulness Charm (Obliviate!), there's a good chance you may not remember some of the questionable texts you sent. Luckily (or unluckily), Dartbeat has proven once again that the internet is forever and no Vanishing Charm can save you. Without further ado, we present: the best "Texts from Last Night" from Winter Carnival.


Harry Potter Course Election Guide

(02/14/17 6:39am)

It’s Week 7, your midterms are looking a little grim, you keep falling asleep during your 10 and you’re starting to wonder why you ever thought higher education was worth it in the first place. Winter Carnival emails about Harry Potter aren’t helping, and suddenly you’re daydreaming about living it up with Harry at Hogwarts, learning how to fly on broomsticks and turn rats yellow (or trying to, anyway). Don’t worry, we’ve all been there, and Dartbeat is here to help you out. Being in the middle of nowhere, sporting pretty sweet architecture and even having a similar housing system, it turns out that Dartmouth isn’t that different from Hogwarts. Even the classes are pretty similar, if you really think about it — stick with them, and you'll be transforming rats and flying in no time. We’ve compiled a handy guide of classes to help you live your best magical life.


Your Harry Potter Flair Guide

(02/13/17 1:47am)

Given the theme of this year's Winter Carnival, you might have been hoping to snag some new Harry Potter accessories for your flair box. Unfortunately, you didn't win the (nonexistent) drawing for a $72 Deathly Hallows necklace and you can't buy any new costumes because your Gringotts vault is out of DA$H. So, in celebration of Witchcraft, Blizzardry and being broke, here are some Pinterest-worthy (not really) ideas to help you make the most of what you’ve already got.



7 Dartmouth Things That Stress You Out and Totally Shouldn't

(02/07/17 2:07am)

With midterms coming at us full force, the stress on campus is palpable. Everyone has resorted to sweatpants, and the smallest things that don’t go your way may very well be the beginning of a spiral down to a deep dark place of failure. Here are a few #relatable Dartmouth things that probably stress you out even though they undoubtedly shouldn’t.




Dartmouth Conspiracy Theories

(01/30/17 1:40am)

There is no question that we live in a modern world of lies and deception. Thus, I do not see it as a coincidence that my editors — those powers that be, per se, spewing “alternative facts” upon the good people — have asked me to write an article about “Dartmouth conspiracy theories.” Nay, I say. I will be strong. I shall not fall victim to their whims. And in protest, I will write instead a list of the greatest truths at Dartmouth, indisputable by those who are not blinded by the corruption that plagues this very campus. 


Romantic Potential of DDS Food Options

(01/27/17 6:51pm)

Planning where you want to grab your next meal can often be an ordeal, especially when you start estimating the concentration of people at certain times during the day. Add to the fact that, yes, you are actually trying to follow through with your lunch plans, and the chaotic lines can make you want to back out of your meal date and crawl into your bed with a tender bob. Luckily, DDS offers endless a few good selections, and each place has its own specialties that keep us coming back for more, whether it’s mac ‘n cheese bites, facetimey-ness or conveniently late hours. It’s easy to decide when you’re with friends, but what if your relationship is a little more ambiguous? Here’s a brief overview of your options to navigate those romantic nuances and finally get to the bottom of what a Foco lunch ~really~ means: 


What to Expect When You're Expecting ... to Play Pong

(01/27/17 3:00pm)

There you are. After nine (maybe?) months of apprehension, excitement and nerves, you are finally about to play your first game of pong. You feel adrenaline pumping through your veins with all the strength of watered-down Keystone, which you also happen to be standing in puddles of — gotta break in those frat shoes, am I right? As the moment finally arrives and the final cup in the game before yours is sunk, you’re suddenly nervous. What do you do? What should you expect? Luckily for you, we’ve compiled advice from some of the greatest pong champions this side of the Mississippi (and some from the other side too).


Snow Sculpture 2017: A Minimalist Perspective

(01/19/17 3:00pm)

Breaking: Dartmouth students angry because the making of that thing they didn’t want to participate in is being taken away from them! This past Friday we all opened our blitz to some expected earth-shattering news: The Winter Carnival snow sculpture has been cancelled due to, among other reasons, “declining involvement from the student body at large.” (Ooh, drag me, Winter Carnival committee.) This ultimately resulted in some strongly worded grumbles like “what will we Instagram Week Six?” and “Lest the old traditions fail, etc., etc.”


20 Turning 20: The Playlist Phi Delts Didn’t Know They Needed

(01/17/17 3:32am)

Most rules exist for a reason, but there are the golden few that make absolutely no sense. Many frats adhere to strict policies that students don’t understand, and Phi Delt’s mission to only broadcast music that’s more than 20 years old is no exception. It’s assumed that past brothers of Phi Delt don’t exactly want to hear “Beez in the Trap” when they come back to campus on a nostalgic wave, thus alums have enforced this rigid code. Since I live in the Choates, listening to whatever they choose to play outside during the warmer months is something that I am subjected to against my will. Don’t get me wrong, “You Make My Dreams” is a huge bop and anyone who doesn’t have an internal dance party is lying to you.



8 Stages of Coping With the Loss of Napkin Containers

(01/12/17 6:39pm)

Pump your brakes, ladies and gents, ‘cause Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief model is way out of date. No, I don’t mean for little things like “deaths in the family” or “fascist takeovers of society.” This new step-by-step guide is for real issues. Issues that hurt us all. You know of what I speak — it hangs like a pall of darkness above the campus. It hurts all, consumes all, destroys all. Of course, I am referring to the decision of Dartmouth Dining Services to do away with the free and independent napkin dispensers at each table in its establishments and replace them with centralized, collectivized napkin dispensers.




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