Types of Facebook Friends You Have as a Freshman

By Justin Kramer | 10/12/17 12:01pm

The configuration of Freshman Fall friends is ever-changing. You were so sure that one person you met on Lodj Night on Trips or during O-Week would be one of your best friends, only to look back midway through the quarter and wonder where your dear friend went. Facebook occasionally sends out a notification saying, “Congratulations! You made 314 friends in September,” translated as “WTF* there is no way you could name 50 of them.” Let’s investigate the composition of our new “best friends” list:

The mutual connection friend: Your friend from home knew a Dartmouth ‘21 from summer camp, so you sent them a friend request. On campus, your friendship amounts to a head nod when you walk by each other. 

The overblown mutual connection friend (Your mom’s barber’s dog’s vet’s sister’s boss’s kid’s basketball coach’s ex-wife’s stepson): “You just have to be friends with my barber’s dog’s vet’s second cousin’s boss’s kid’s basketball coach’s ex-wife’s stepson!” your mom said. Somehow, this friendship did not escape the realm of Facebook.


That friend who clogs your FB notifications and friended literally the whole grade: Facetimey? More like Facebook-timey. At least you can use this person’s Friends list to find the rest of the Class of 2021.

Courtesy of matt01s via Reddit


That friend you met during Academic Open Houses: You were so happy when you found your fellow Econ bro at the Orientation Week open house. On the first day of of class you look frantically around the room, realizing your bro is just a number on the Friends list. 

 That friend you met at an infamous dorm party: You two chatted it up and had a good time. Facebook friendship ensued. Unfortunately, looking back, you realize this friendship was only a one-night stand.

“The One That Got Away”: This person was supposed to be your best friend! You hung out all the time during the first couple weeks, but different schedules mean you hardly see them. In another life, you would make them stay.

That friend who you sat with one time because you chose the same Gifford’s Ice Cream flavor: Despite having so much in common, you couldn’t manage to maintain the friendship. Bound only by social media and ice cream, you drift apart.


Your real friends!: Hopefully, by this point you’ve met many people who you’re happy to call your friend — both online and off. If not, there are plenty of freshmen looking for friends as well!


*Welcome to Facebook

Justin Kramer