Texts From Last Night: Green Key 2017 Edition

By The Dartmouth Web Staff | 5/23/17 10:39pm

We all know the motto for spring term’s big weekend: “Green Key is a marathon, not a sprint.” If you’re reading this, that means you made it past the finish line, and whether or not you crawled that last leg or not, you are a CHAMPION. And no matter what your weekend was like, we're sure it was filled with loving alums, sunshine, darties and a whole lot of MDF approved alcohol. And even more potent than the surges of regret you are still reeling from in your Annex B cubicle are the drunk texts hanging over your head like a raincloud of shame. And just like we do every year, Dartbeat has compiled the most hilarious and egregious Green Key texts you'll never live down:

(562): Wya

(562): Please

(562): PlsDe

(562): PkeSr

(562): Please

(704): Where are you?

(704): ???

(562): Wya

(978): Pop punk!

(978): Come!

(978): F---

(978): Wait actually don’t come

(704): Get the f--- ready for my outfit betches

(704): I look like America booted on me

(973): Cutter

(973): Come

(704): Is there more cutter

(973): Yes come thru

(973): R u ok

(704): I’m at beta, what do you think?

(781): Guys, “Despacito” makes me emotional

(201): where are people

(626): sug ep. come

(201): beeeg

(626): no, come hook up with [781]

*(201) has left the conversation*

(650): Omg I hate everything

(650): [name redacted] put me to bed after droco, and I missed the entire concert

(650): Green key is a week of sex positions, and I’m down for anything as long as it’s confidential

(914): Where r u guys

(651): Gdx

(914): Same I somehow got roped into door duty for gdx so here we are

(603): Donde es la escena

(610): Come to me my prince

(603): Where’s that

(610): I spoke prematurely

(610): I just yearned for you

(603): Woke up drunk 40 mins ago and spent 10 of those minutes trying to rub off a flash tat on my arm when I blacked in and remembered it's f---ing real

(704): First EBA’s

(704): And now the Facebook thankful reaction is gone

(704): This has been the worst two days of my life

(610): So are folks still at the concert

(386): Urdido la

(386): Yes

(610): You had me at urdido la

(646): Anyone know what the show going on Gold Coast rn is?

(603): Satan’s birthday party probably

(646): Oh it is street soul.

(646): I will take their souls and put them on the street 

(781): where is u

(617): i got lsot in the sauce

(404): dab

(206): yes

(518): [name redacted] told me to wear a shirt

(713): TELL [name redacted] to put a plastic bag over his head

(480): mimosas?

(206): i feel like shit and i’m never drinking again

(206): but yes pls on the mimosas

The Dartmouth Web Staff