6 Types of Flitzes to Write

By Iris Wang | 5/3/17 7:39am

Need help drafting that perfect flitz? Have no fear, Dartbeat is here! Here are six different types of flitzes you’ll find in circulation that will help you craft your own. Get inspired and let your creative juices flow. Feel free to mix and match but remember that fortune favors the bold. Happy flitzing.

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#1: The Athlete Flitz

(You know what they say: “Be. Aggressive. Be, be aggressive!”)
Use for: Your buff crush who balances the student-athlete lifestyle
Expect: To score a touchdown


This is a flitz.

Need help on your physics homework?
I can help you study some bodies in motion
Maybe work on chemistry
Or study human anatomy

Need help on your EARS homework?
We'll look at rocks and other hard things

Need help in music theory?
I’ll help you hit a high note
I'll make you sing

Need help with your religion class?
I can get you on your knees
Livin’ on a prayer

Need help in African drumming?
We can bang all night long

#2: The Nerdy Flitz

Use for: Crushes in lab coats
Expect: Your hypothesis to be confirmed

THIS IS A FLITZ.

Hi there, qt 3.14

I've seen you in orgo class before
I'd like to get to know you more
You think I'm a loser but wait and see
I think we could have real chemistry

I wanted to impress you with a chemistry pun
To show you I'm not nerdy, I'm lots of fun!
But all the good chemistry jokes argon
So let's skip the jokes and get to Hanlon's lawn ;)

I got my ION you
Be my No. 1 chemistry boo
We could form our own covalent bond
No need for two beds, only one!

The law of gravitation says we all share attraction
This is a great start to our first one-on-one interaction
We'll hit it off like a mad redox reaction
I'm hoping my mad physics lingo will get me some action

Just imagine you're a proton, and I'm an electron
If I have you sold, let's get it on ;)

#3: The English Major Flitz

Use for: That cute RWIT tutor you keep hitting up
Expect: A rejection soliloquy correcting your misuse of the English language

THIS IS A FLITZ.

Thou hair doth shine like pearlz upon the ocean fair
Methinks thou ist beautiful-ler in thy underwear
Me-also-thinks thou hast noticed mine constant stare
Thee and me, stallion and mare, would make quite a pair

Thy ass protrudes like rotund fruit from the vine
Come over and we shall share some Netflix and wine
With time, thine could be mine Valentine

Damn ye you fine

(French 503, come thru its lit ;))

#4: The Foco Flitz

Use for: When you need to spend meal swipes
Expect: Depends on quality of Foco that day

THIS IS A FLITZ.

Hey, you there — what’s up, Jessie?
I tried so hard to find you on Friendsy
(Alas, I failed.) So here’s a ~FLITZ~ instead       
Because I just can’t get YOU out of my head!

Every time I see you crossing the Green
You make my heart race like a shot of caffeine
You’re so hot, I started wearing sunscreen
You’re the coolest badass I’ve ever seen!

This fact isn’t up for debate:
You’re what makes America truly great!
So I’d like to take you out on a DATE
(Studying for midterms can surely wait)

I’m too wimpy to face you and say,
“Could I take you out to DDS someday?
Foco? Or Hop? Even KAF is okay!”
(I’m on the 5, I’ve got mad DBA)

We could go fratting and play pong
I would do anything if you came along!
My heart and love, to you they belong
I really like you. Is that so wrong?

#5: The Drunk Flitz

(Also known as a fLITz)
Use for: ...Did I really send that last night??
Expect: Embarrassment

Dis a FTLIZ


hayyyyyyyysexzzy ;);););)
You cutereeeeree
Letz get late nite
PeaCe

Xoxo
Keggmaster

 

#6: The No-Effort Flitz

Use for: No one. Anyone?
Expect: No response.

This a flitz


yo wanna be FWBs
Without the F


Iris Wang