To Rally, or Not to Rally? A Fratliloquy™

By Samuel Fox | 4/11/17 11:55am

To rally, or not to rally — that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to study


The bio and art history of outrageous liberal arts

Or to take arms against a sea of Keystone™

And by opposing, shotgun them. To die, to rage —

No more — and by a game of harbor to say we end

The heartburn (from chugging), and the thousand UNnatural sugars

That twisted tea is heir to. 'Tis a deliberation

Devoutly to be cursed. To rally, to boot —

To black the f--- in — perchance to dream: ay, there's the EMS,

For in that sleep of death what Dick’s House may come

When we have blacked out in this mortal basement,

Must give us pause. There's the respect

That makes blacking out of so long social capital.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of an On Night,

Th' oppressor's (Hanlon) wrong, the proud SAE continues

The pangs of despised been, the law's delay,

The insolence of an illegal consumer, and the spurns

That patient merit of th' unworthy SWUGS,

When he himself might his consumption make

With a bare keg chug? Who would fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat under a beer funnel,

But that the dread of something after losing pong,

The undiscovered dread, from whose sunketh cup

No prospie returns, puzzles the will,

And makes us rather bear those alcoholic tendencies we have

Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make frat stars of us all,

And thus the native hue of booting

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of regret,

And enterprise of great boot and rally.

With this regard their droco

And lose the name of Alpha Delta — Soft you now,

The fair fraternity scene! — bleak, in thy orisons

Be all my sins remembered.

Samuel Fox