Social Climbing with Winston the Pig

By Fiona Ewing | 4/12/16 10:46am

Behind the black coat and adorable snout of Winston McKenzie--Phi Delta Alpha's house pig--is a social mastermind. With 243 Facebook friends and counting, Winston teaches us that despite any biological differences, we’re actually a lot alike. Every photo he posts contains a lesson to be learned. Dartbeat has compiled those lessons here for you (but be sure to send Winston a friend request so that you can continue receiving all the sage wisdom he has to offer):

1. Show your school spirit. But “bleed green” so subliminally that people will like you even more, despite the fact that you’re sitting next to a stain that everyone will unfairly assume you made. Which you didn’t, because you’re potty-trained.

Screen Shot 2016-04-12 at 4.26.22 PM2. Always know and work your best angle, and don’t allow to bephotographed any other way. If your snout looks slimmer on one side than the other, make sure to work that good side to the camera.

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3. Show off your figure and the amount of physical activity you do to maintain it. Post a photo of you casually exploring natureor posing on your yoga mat.

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4. Make the world jealous by looking like you’re always having a good time (even though inside you are exhausted from always looking so cute--it all just wears you down, man).

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5. Let everyone know that you’re worldly and cultured by liking The New Criterion on Facebook. And show off your high standards and minimalist edge by liking only that page.

6. But make sure you still come across as approachable. Don’t be afraid to get goofy and display your sense of humor every once in a while.

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7. Remember that it’s okay to be camera-shy.

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8. But never, ever give your competition a chance to steal the spotlight. It’s a dog-eat-dog (dog-eat-pig?) world out there.

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9. Don’t ever outright change your relationship status. Posting photos with tons of different people will keep everyone guessing, and they’ll be impressed to see that you’re so desirable.

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10. And lastly, be sure to document the fact that everyone wants to hang out with you. In fact, you are so popular that sometimes you have to run from the crowd.

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All photos courtesy of Winston McKenzie via Facebook

Fiona Ewing