Post-Valentine’s Day Flitz

By PJ Bigley | 2/16/16 10:35am

If you’re anything like me, you know that the week after Valentine’s Day is a little bittersweet — sweet because those huge boxes of chocolate are now 50 percent off, and bitter because, well, now my stomach hurts.

But you’re probably smarter than I am and decided to avoid the sugar coma altogether. Maybe you went the alternative route. I can get behind that. I’m a real fan of the Galentine’s Day and Single’s Day movements and other alternative Feb. 14 holidays…

But it still seems like for most people, Valentine’s Day is accompanied with feelings of dread. Maybe it’s because this holiday historically commemorates a couple of martyrs named Valentine, one of whom was clubbed and then beheaded. Believe me, people—comparatively, our annoying commercial version of Valentine’s Day is not that bad.

Still, if you’re disappointed about not getting the romantic Valentine’s Day you wished for, you don’t have to be. What’s wrong with sending a belated Valentine’s flitz to that special someone?

Sure, it didn’t work for me, but I still suggest sending out a flitz like this:

Greetings lover,

Happy late Valentine’s Day! You looked great through that Molly’s window last night ;)
That girl you gave roses to was your sister, right?

I’ve seen you around campus and you’ve got me thinking: Are you from Vermont?Because…

You may not technically “know” me yet, but we’ve spent a lot of time together…in the stacks…the Hop…late night…You just didn’t know it.

But I promise you won’t regret hanging out with me:

I have a fantastic love song repertoire:

And the dance moves to match:

Basically what I’m trying to say is…

So let me hit you with the corny Valentine’s Day lines and let’s get this thing started:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This is what could be getting at you:

Be my Valentine?Xoxo

PJ Bigley