36 Things to Do Until Green Key

By PJ Bigley | 2/18/16 3:00am

Winter Carnival is over, and despite the brief subarctic temperatures, a lot of people are still wondering whether or not it actually happened. Without the usual events like Pond Party or the polar bear plunge, some people feel like they missed out on a big weekend. Others are probably still recovering from their hangovers. And with the return of rain, students are already looking to spring -- and the next big weekend, Green Key.

  • Knit a thneed

  • Read “War & Peace”

  • Question your life choices

  • Binge watch Netflix

  • Loaf about

  • Update your LinkedIn profile

  • Read every blitz in your clutter folder

  • Get a job (haha, right)

  • Ask yourself why you moved to New Hampshire

  • Curse Punxsutawney Phil (The -33 degree wind chill this weekend doesn’t make me think spring is coming, buddy.)

  • Start a cult

  • Start a blog about all the frats that get derecognized (That should keep you busy.)

  • Get excited about seeing grass. Wake up heartbroken when you see a bunch of white crap on the ground.

  • Slip on ice. Spend the next couple of months recovering.

  • Learn to yodel. Wear lederhosen and serenade people in Novack.

  • Whittle something

  • Go to the UFO sighting monument in Sheffield, Vermont. Ask the aliens to take you with them.

  • Celebrate Tax Day (April 18)

  • Start an Instagram and post pictures of professors at the gym

  • Plan an epic April Fool’s Day prank

  • Update the Dartmouth Traditions Wikipedia page — how dare Wikipedia claim there’s no point to Green Key?

  • Start a miming club

  • Steal the recipe for Foco cookies. Make bank. Drop out of school.

  • Make a GroupMe bot. Instill fear in the hearts of GroupMe users everywhere.

  • Order Boloco. Wait…and wait…and wait.

  • Order a bushman suit. Start training for the mud fight and wreak havoc.

  • Stage a reenactment of “Hamilton” (2015) in the middle of the Green.

  • Hope that academic rigor doesn’t put an end to Green Key before spring term rolls around.

PJ Bigley