Get-Rich-Quick Scheme: $10 Theses

By Margaret Jones | 1/21/16 4:05pm

Rumor: Seniors leave $10 bills inside theirHonors Theses. When they come back to Dartmouth 10 years later, they check to see if anyone has read their thesis by whether or not the bill is still there.

Seems legit, right? And it just so happens that every year, hundreds of students in the senior class choose to write a thesis. HUNDREDS. I thought it was some super exclusive thing that only a select group of students did, but no – all these people are choosing to write an ungodly long paper. Anyway, I expectedto find a room stocked with theses, where I could knock out a hundred or so of them and BAM – I’d be rich. Unfortunately for me (and my wallet), that was not the case.

After extensive questioning of skeptical librarians and student workers (see: highly motivated individuals with real jobs) about the local of this goldmine, Google finally came to my rescue. It turns out that honors theses are stored in none other than the illustrious Rauner Library, aka the most intimidating place second to the stacks annexes.

Cue skeptical librarian number three, who did not understand why I wanted to flip through a bunch of theses and requested that Ifill out a form. For every. Single. Thesis. At this point I was in way too deep, so I began speed-filling out book requests. I was making it rain green forms until my hand starting cramping on form #15 – so much for knocking out one hundred theses.

Despite this little road block, I still ended up with 23 extremely large green books, two boxes and a slightly-too-optimistic attitude. I eagerly picked up the first one, a 2015 history thesis on some genre of Indian traditional music. 212 pages later, I was a grand total of $0.00 richer. 4,283 pages, a coloring book and some weird art-knitting project later, I was a grand total of $0.01 richer (There was a penny in a cut-out jean pocket in the art-knitting book, but I didn’t keep it, so I guess I’m still at $0.00.) You could say I had a great day.

Outcome: Still broke

Moral of the Story: Always listen when Wikipedia tells you that get-rich-quick schemes are *shady* investments.

Margaret Jones