Finals Procrastination: A Professional’s Guide

By Grace Miller, The Dartmouth Staff | 11/14/14 2:00am

I am a hoarder. I do not hoard old magazines or cats (although that may be on my horizon), but rather links. This article is a shameful admission to how much time I spend on the Internet.

Luckily, you don’t need to spend endless hours spiraling out of control on the interwebs clicking on link after link to find that perfect one to send to your friends, because you have me. People often ask, “How do you find such weird and useless links, Grace?” My only reply: “It’s a gift, and a curse. But mostly a curse to be completely honest.”

Hopefully everyone is off to a great start with studying for finals/finally getting around to reading the syllabus. Get ready for lonely Novack dinners, tears in the stacks, losing motivation and preparing for the worst. Study breaks are important, especially with a list of links as amazing as this:

This website has everything: passive aggression AND cats. This blog reveals why men take up so much space on subways when they spread their legs — they are saving room for cats!

I worked at an ice cream store in high school (which has possibly the funniest status updates on its flavor of the day) and despite its name, we sold mostly soft serve and ice cream. It was a sad day when Pinkberry came to town and all the moms began flocking to the hun-cal fro-yo. This is all to say that I have a personal vendetta against fro-yo and adore this website.

**Only open in case of person asking you to turn down**

Type in any emotion and this website will provide you with a clip of an office character breaking that fourth wall with that exact sentiment.

For when you want to listen to “let me sit this aaaaaaaaaaass on you” over and over without having to listen to “Rocket” by Beyoncé on repeat. This website has all of the most important sounds from Beyoncé’s last album compiled to be one click away.

Comedian Liz Pride fulfills every Dartmouth Girl’s dream — clipping out pictures from LL Bean catalogues and writing short stories about your life together. If I have ever “swooned,” it was definitely while scrolling through this website.

The website is pretty self-explanatory — two guys draw really funny things on ”Mad Men” screenshots. Even if you don’t watch ”Mad Men,” this website is full of sentiments we all can relate to: see above.

Someone combined screenshots from Wes Anderson films with Kanye lyrics, and it is incredible.


If you have never read, it’s crucial that you do. Frank Warren gets people to mail in their secrets anonymously, and then posts them on this website. The secrets range from funny, to powerful, to devastating. It’s updated every Sunday, and has led to books of secrets as well as tours across the world.


We all know that one person who always uses Comic Sans incorrectly, be it in a mass email out that a family member has passed, or when turning in their senior thesis. When a potential employer emails me in Comic Sans, I immediately question their credentials. Let’s pass on this link and educate these people.


Have you ever noticed how drunk the models for J. Crew are? This website sure has.


Any “Parks and Recreation” fan can appreciate this website, which translates any food into the way Tom would say it. Anyone else can appreciate integrating these words into your daily life. Instead of “a skim chai with a shot of espresso” at KAF, order a “skim chair with a sippy-sippy wake-wake.”


This website allows you to upload any photo, and it will turn it into modern art. Sorry studio art majors.


This website allows you to write a letter to your future self, which will be sent out on any date in the future you select. I probably wouldn’t send it more than 10 years into the future though, because I’m pretty sure we will be communicating by telepathy by then.


Type in an image you want to see or music type you want to hear, and prepare to be mesmerized as this website creates what I can only call “an experience.” I highly suggest typing in “sloths, baby penguins and Kanye West.”

Well folks, those are all the links I have. Good luck with finals!

Grace Miller, The Dartmouth Staff