Dartbeat’s Guide to Winter Break TV

By Jessica Zischke, The Dartmouth Senior Staff | 11/14/14 3:00am

With the craziness of the quarter system and Dartmouth’s work-hard-work-harder atmosphere, you probably already find yourself exhausted. Around week four, I started having fantasies about sleeping in a pile of adorable, cuddly puppies and never having to leave. At this point, my brain is completely fried, and expectations for academic performance are at an all-time low.

But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! Finals end in just 12 days (but who’s really counting? Oh yes, all of us), and hibernation in the form of sleep and never-ending Netflix-watching can finally begin. If even just the thought of having to decide what to watch on Netflix or TV (it’s cute that you’re so old-fashioned) is too much for you, we have you covered.

Check out these upcoming premieres for November and December for what to watch. Note: watching all the Claymation movies on ABC Family is a prerequisite to move on to these shows.

“Risking It All” (TLC): Premieres Nov. 10 at 10 p.m.

This latest TLC reality show follows three families as they one-up your self-imposed finals week Facebook ban by living off the grid in an attempt to reconnect with each other. It’s worth checking out just for other ideas of what to do with your six weeks of break (but we all know that you’re just going to stay on the couch). Tune in to fulfill your dream (or perhaps be convinced to give it up) of living the simple life.

“Eat: The Story of Food” (National Geographic): Six-episode event beginning Nov. 21 at 9 p.m.

“Eat” looks at how the appetites of humans have changed over the centuries, and how we have affected the crops we eat and the planet as a whole. The only downside to watching this is that you may have to upgrade your TV snacks — using actual bowls and plates as receptacles instead of the bags and containers of the snacks may be a good first step.

“Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce” (Bravo): Premieres Dec. 2 at 10 p.m.

You’ve probably already heard about the banned ads for this show based on the “Girlfriends’ Guides” books by Vicki Iovine. This is the first original scripted series Bravo will air, and it follows Abby (Lisa Edelstein) as she’s going through a divorce, with the help of her friend Jo (Alanna Ubach). Be sure to check out this piece of what is sure to be TV history.

“Pizza Masters” (Cooking Channel): Premieres Dec. 5 at 9 p.m.

If you haven’t put this on your calendar already, then I feel like you’ve probably missed the point. Sal Basille and Francis Garcia own some of New York’s best pizza shops (you haven’t lived until you’ve had a massive slice of Artichoke Basille’s artichoke pizza) and now you can watch them search for some of the best pizza around. Plan ahead to have pizza ready for noms!

“All Hail King Julien” (Netflix): Premieres Dec. 19

Whether or not King Julien is your spirit animal, you need to watch this show. Unfortunately for all you Julien-hailers out there, unlike with past Netflix originals, all the episodes will not be released at the same time. Instead, the 22-minute episodes will be released throughout next year. Pick out a fierce head decoration and get ready to move it, move it (onto the couch).

“Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2014” (ABC): Airs Dec. 14 at 9 p.m.

This is one of the most anticipated TV specials of the year, and this year’s is sure to live up to its expectations. Taylor Swift, Chelsea Handler, Neil Patrick Harris and others have made Walters’s list for 2014. Tune in to hear her interviews with them, but have chocolate and/or ice cream nearby to ease your feelings of inadequacy after seeing all of the awesome.

Jessica Zischke, The Dartmouth Senior Staff