The Various Stages of Formal Season

By Katie Hake, The Dartmouth Staff | 8/14/14 11:00am

It’s that time of the term again, during which Dartmouth experiences a wonderful few weeks of students preparing to dress up in their fanciest clothes and break it down on the dance floor. That’s right, it’s formal season, and you may be experiencing at least six different emotions about it throughout the course of your day. Dartbeat knows how you feel and is happy to outline a course of strategy for you.

Disclaimer: I am not a guy and will therefore avoid pretending I know how any male at this school feels about formals. If my brothers’ attitudes toward high school proms are any indication, their feelings are likely in the range of neutral to indifferent. Guys, help me out here.

Step one: it’s week 9 and my life is over, a.k.a I don’t have a date yet.

Texts From Last Night, meet texts-during-daytime-in-which-I-casually-ask-you-to-formal.

LOL who are we kidding. I asked you to formal at tails last weekend. This text is to see if you remember.

Is texting too casual? Maybe I should flitz instead.

Nah, in person is probably best.

Just kidding, potential dates are never alone. I’m not asking anyone with people around.

I have three exams this week. I don’t have time for this.

Girl talk: I want to dance and have fun, but I also want someone to really appreciate this killer outfit. Platonic friend dates just don’t fulfill that need.

Guy talk: What?

This just in: there are four other formals on the same night. COME ON PEOPLE, DON’T WE KNOW BY NOW TO PLAN THIS BETTER. YOU JUST CUT THE NUMBER OF AVAILABLE DATES IN HALF. Or something. The math isn’t important.

It’s now the day before. Formal is stupid.

I HAVE A DATE. Formal is the best! (Though going stag with friends is equally awesome.)

Time to be classy.

Katie Hake, The Dartmouth Staff