How The Ideal Saturday Goes Wrong During Sophomore Summer

By Laura Weiss, The Dartmouth Staff | 7/11/14 8:58am

Step 1: You’re going to wake up early and get so much done. Your alarm is set for 9 a.m. You’re getting brunch with some trippees at 10. You hear your alarm blaring and open your eyes, expecting a Snow-White-esque birds-chirping halo of sunshine. But it’s 1 p.m. Welcome to Saturday afternoon… and 12 new messages on your trippee GroupMe wondering where you are.

Step 2: While getting dressed, you quickly realize you look like crap. Sunglasses are a must, and luckily far more socially acceptable now as compared to those Saturday afternoons you wore them in the winter. You think it’s a hilarious idea to throw on a backwards baseball cap and hoodie - ooh you’re undercover! You look in the mirror and realize you should probably go back to sleep, but you promised yourself you’d get some work done. PUSH THROUGH. Everyone you run into on the way to the library asks you if you’re sick and tries to comfort you. The disguise clearly isn’t working and neither is the Advil and water you chugged.

Step 3: Having missed the chance to eat with actual people, you result to the best of eating alone options (foco to-go back to your room, Boloco delivery, KAF) and head to the library to spend way too much DBA on food ideas that were probably inspired by an obscure vegan cookbook - sweet potato and lentil hummus anyone? But it’s summer and you forgot KAF is always closed. Your soul is crushed. And you take the classic walk of shame to Novack for DDS’s ridiculous attempt at a brie and apple sandwich.

Step 4: Spend an hour trying to do work. After spending 45 minutes of that time deleting 41 unread blitzes that don’t pertain to you, complaining about how your professors don’t understand that it’s summer and you don’t want to sit and read hundreds of pages to anyone that will listen and talking to everyone who passes by, you realize it’s just too hot to do work right now. The choking heat is making you feel like you’re wearing a python for a scarf.

Step 5: Heat relief? Time to head to the docks. You meet some friends, who say you look slightly better than this morning (small victories), and make the trek to the river. Unfortunately, the docks are as full as Late Night Collis on the Friday night of a big weekend. You try to find another spot (maybe near Ledyard?) but end up taking a nice, oddly long bathing-suit-clad walk with no luck. At least you avoid the Facetime before heading back to dinner.

Step 6: After dinner, you just go back to your room and try to nap. Just nap. (What Lady Gaga was probably really thinking with “Just Dance.”) But of course it doesn't actually happen. After a restless but necessary few hours, you listen to your workout playlist to get reenergized (oops you totally forgot to go to the gym today), get dressed and head out. On your way toward Webster you think about how you’re going to get so much done tomorrow because you rested today…

In the morning, return to Step 1 and repeat.

Laura Weiss, The Dartmouth Staff