By The Numbers: Four Weeks of 14X

By Katie Hake, The Dartmouth Staff | 7/14/14 5:37pm

You may be familiar with the monthly Harper’s Index — a well-researched, legitimate list of pithy statistics documenting life around the world.

This is not the Harper’s Index. But since we’re more than a month into sophomore summer, I feel that it’s time to look back on what students at Dartmouth have accomplished so far in our own, newly-minted Dartbeat index. I’m not a math major, so some of these stats may be a tiny bit off, but believe me when I say that they’re based on solid observational evidence.

Dartbeat’s Sophomore Summer Index

Average number of classes I imagine my peers are taking: 2.4

Number of items on my Sophomore Summer bucket list: 53

Number of bucket list items I have accomplished: 10

Number of bucket lists I have actually written down: 0

Average number of daylight hours I spend sleeping: 6

Average daily hours spent outside: 5

Average weekly hours of motivation: -4

Percent of undergraduates I suspect have acquired illegitimate air conditioners: 47

Percent of undergraduates I imagine are suffering from heat regardless: 100

Chance that I’m at the river (natural watercourse): 1 in 4

Chance that I’m at the River (unnatural cluster): 0

Factor by which I am less likely to do my readings this summer than during previous terms: 5.7

Bikes I have purchased: 1

Percent increase in on-time arrivals since purchasing a bike: 58

Times I’ve been caught biking in the rain: 4

Number of cups of gelato consumed: 7

Number of hikes completed: 3

Number of berries picked: 462

Number of meals cooked: 28

Percent of my friends who have mooched off my cooking: 41

Instagram photos taken: 14

Instagram filters used in said photos: 3

Different words including a capital “X” seen in albums on my Facebook feed: 6

Percent of ’16s who I’d guesstimate are refusing to believe this term will ever end: 90

Katie Hake, The Dartmouth Staff