The Hook Up: When the sex playlist isn't enough

By Kate Taylor | 3/27/12 12:20pm

A lot has been written about the perfect “sex playlist.” While it makes sense to avoid some more uncomfortable songs playing mid-coitus ("Jizz In My Pants," "Creep," anything that mentions marriage), I think a singular sex playlist isn’t enough for a modern Dartmouth student. Thus, here are some playlists that too many of us should have on our computers.

Playlist for post-Skype melancholy when your significant other is on an off-term: Lots of Adele. Alternatively titled, the cry-sturbation playlist.

Playlist for hooking up with your ex's friend over spring break while very aware that it's a bad idea, but also very aware that you are an adult with sexual needs: Stick to silence tinged with preemptive regret so you don't ruin any good songs.

Playlist for recovery after hooking up with someone for a few weeks who seemed very interested until he/she disappeared with little to no explanation: Go for indie songs that allow you to feel hipper than your former bedroom buddy. He/she didn't know that frequent walks and meals would lead you to believe he/she was interested in dating? Well I bet he/she also didn’t know that Eleanor Friedberger released a solo album after taking a break from the indie pop duo the Fiery Furnaces that lyrically resonates with the vague sense of embarrassment and betrayal you’re feeling. SO THERE.

Playlist for instigating a threesome with two semi-suspecting individuals: This is one of the few chances you have to throw all subtlety out the window — while "Let’s Get It On" is a little too much for the vast majority of two-person hook-ups, now is your chance to blast Marvin Gaye. Potential for hilarity is positively correlated with the number of people involved in a hook-up, so you may as well try to get funky.

Playlist for being sexcarcerated (stuck in the inner room of a two-room double while your roommate gets it on in the outer room): Power pop ballads muffle the noises coming from the other room and numb your loneliness. Celine Dion should do the trick.

Playlist for spicing up an increasingly dull sex life: I honestly believe that soundtracks are the best music for setting the mood for both hooking up and driving. Want some faux nostalgia-tinted sensuality? "Dirty Dancing." Need to quirkily kindle romance? "(500) Days of Summer." Extraordinarily bored and missing sunny spring break? "Pirates of the Caribbean."

Playlist for not hooking up or dating because you have too much going on in your life to concern yourself with a relationship and we'll have time to sleep and date after we graduate, right?: Google: "lyrics f*ck bitches get money." Download all results. Feel vaguely guilty while reading "The Feminine Mystique" on the elliptical, but find strength to do abs for once.

If you want any particular songs, feel free to blitz me; however, seeing as I listened to Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" 36 times in three days during finals, I wouldn’t advertise my great taste in music. If you don’t need any of these playlists, you’re probably doing something in your life right, so blitz me with suggestions.


Kate Taylor