Misconceptions at Dartmouth

by May Mansour | 8/11/16 10:00pm

Dartmouth is really heavy on tradition. For the most part, this is true. But we didn’t have a snow sculpture last year and Tubestock hasn’t been a thing since Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim ensembles to the Grammy’s. So maybe the old traditions are failing.

Dartmouth has high-quality food. Don’t let the freshman lobster dinner fool you. It’s a fake, it’s a hoax, the game’s all rigged!

Dartmouth students are crunchy. This one time, during Trips, I sunriked Mount Moosilauke and my remains are still at the top.

We work out a lot. We wear a lot of athletic gear, but that’s mostly because we haven’t done laundry since freshman parent’s weekend.

We rage. This is actually true. Go hard or go to Cornell.

You will find your future partner at Dartmouth. Yes, if by partner you mean the girl from lab that you drunkenly triple-clicked on Friendsy.

You’ll become best friends with your roommate. You will see things — intimate things — that will leave you emotionally scarred. And it is for this reason that your roommate relationship will be limited to awkward hellos and a hollow “let’s grab a meal” when you run into each other at the library.