We will commence with an update on the status of our piglet fund and pending piglet. Neither a piglet nor a piglet source has been secured. The fund remains at $0.00. As of late, however, we have a lot of faith in anonymous donors and believe that something truly magical will happen.
While we wait, we continue to make our own magic (or trouble, depending on your attitude and who you ask). Seanie made a rogue trip to Boston yesterday to attend a concert put on by a band that calls its style “taut and anxious.” Amanda attempted to dye a piece of her hair purple. Twice. She only managed to get it to a slightly pink-ish hue. Seanie spent at least five hours playing 2048 this week and realized the extent to which beating a game can make one feel so simultaneously intelligent and pathetic. Amanda’s closet collapsed, evidence of the fact that she has too many clothes. To cope, she took to online shopping. Together, we adventured off campus once more (this time we did not drive, nor did we break or lose any car keys). But low and behold — disaster struck anyway.
Our story begins with as we pulled into the driveway of the Great View Roller Skating rink in Enfield. There is nothing great about the view. From the outside, the rink is essentially a shed-like windowless rectangular prism with the letters “oller Sk ing” on the outside. But alas, we did not go there for the view, we went there for fun and maybe even to feel like we were cast members of the film “Whip It” (2009).
Everything was going pretty well up until we actually put on the blades. Seanie noticed that four of her pair’s six buckles were broken. Seanie, a first-time rollerblader, was undeterred. She saw no potential correlation between dysfunctional rollerblades and falling. Then Seanie took a tumble and realized she was wrong. Great View: 1. Seanie/Amanda: 0.
Once we actually made it onto the roller rink, Amanda eagerly began taking videos with the idea in mind that the outing would look a little something like Jessica Simpson’s “Public Affair” music video. And it actually kind of felt like it did, but then the rink attendant approached Amanda and informed her that Instagramming while blading was a safety hazard. She realized that she never even successfully hit the record button and therefore we have no video evidence to prove any of this. Great View: 2. Seanie/Amanda: 0.
Soon we had reached what felt like expert status in rollerblading, which really only means that we were no longer forced to take turns at a snail’s pace to evade crashing to the ground. We then decided that our next milestone as experts would be blading backwards. Along with several of our friends, we entered the circular experimental zone in the middle of the rink and stood, squeezing various muscles with the hopes that we would begin to move in reverse. Nothing happened, save our legs getting extremely tired, extremely fast. Eventually, a highly attractive and talented male blader entered our circle with a helpful look on his face. Our spirits lifted. He took one friend by the hands and swept her away to give her further instruction. She looked graceful and happy as they bladed backwards together. We remained motionless. Great View: 3. Seanie/Amanda: 0.
By the time “Mine” by Taylor Swift started booming from the rink speakers, we had decided to only blade forward. The wind blew through our hair (because we were rolling at such a high velocity), we joined hands and looked at each other, singing “you are the best thing that’s ever been mine.” The view truly was great for about 10 seconds. Then, we were cut off by some teen boy bladers, and one of our friends made the sad mistake of using her kneecaps as brakes. Once we had assisted her off of the rink and onto a bench where she could ice her knees in peace, we all decided to call it quits and get ice cream. Great View: 4. Seanie/Amanda: 0.
In the end, the scoreboard meant nothing. We felt and still feel like winners. Though we never mastered the art of moving backwards, the whole point of our term is about rolling forward with the punches that life throws, so perhaps Great View did us a favor. Like Chumbawamba said, “[We] get knocked down, but [we] get up again.” And next time, we know to wear kneepads.
Yours, yet pigless,
Lucy & Ethel
