Author and speaker Aaron Boe called upon audience members to be part of the “educated generation” by breaking the cycle of disrespect and sexual assault on college campuses in a talk Tuesday afternoon. Boe, a former stand-up comedian, spoke in Filene Auditorium about fostering physically and emotionally balanced relationships.
“Raise your hand if you’ve ever known someone in an unhealthy relationship,” he said. “Raise your hand if you have ever experienced and/or caused drama in a relationship.”
When asked about relationship drama, many students in the audience of over 200 raised their hands.
His goal, he said, was to empower students to help themselves and their friends by giving them the knowledge he wishes he had possessed as a young man. He shared a mix of personal anecdotes, examples from modern celebrities and humorous GIFs to emphasize his message.
When it comes to relationships, he said, “even smart people are human.” We all tend to “abandon reason,” make assumptions and lower our standards, falling for those who like us or for superficial cues like fraternity affiliation, he said.
Citing Newton’s third law of motion, which states that every action produces an equal and opposite reaction, Boe said relationships boil down to “not annoying people.” Nothing shows strength more than giving a partner space since, while natural, seeking to control loved ones may cause them to push back.
He discussed what it means to be a “good fighter” when approaching a conflict. He named three possible responses to every argument: being reactive, passive or “calming down but speaking up.” To combat conflict in relationships, he advised audience members to refrain from saying “always” or “never,” use humor to diffuse tension, seek to understand the other person’s perspective and avoid “guilt-tripping.”
Boe said a healthy relationship is one in which two people see and treat each other as equals.
He began the second portion of his talk, on the physical aspect of relationships, with humorous tips.
“If another person is performing a sexual act on you, it is considered impolite to be texting,” he said.
Yet he moved onto more serious topics like consent and assault.
Boe shared a personal story about his sister, who was raped in college by an acquaintance in their small hometown of 11,000.
He named four common misconceptions of rape: that one’s personal situation is different and would not count as rape, that rape is sex, that rape is harmless and that it is the victim’s fault for not stopping it.
Both partners must “be the brains,” he said, since consent can be subjective and varies from moment to moment.
He ended his speech by addressing male audience members.
“Guys, what is stronger than dominance?” he asked. “Being above the need to dominate.”
Students who attended Boe’s talk said that he raised valid points.
Kristen Rothe ’15 said that recent dialogue on campus related to sexual assault could benefit from outside perspectives, and that continued discussion is bound to produce a solution.
“I think it is important to be thoughtful about your sexual and emotional relationships,” William Athol ’15 said.
The event was co-sponsored by the Greek Leadership Council and Alpha Delta fraternity.
AD president Siegfried von Bonin ’14 said in an email that the fraternity wanted to bring Boe to Dartmouth because they found his perspective on sexual assault interesting and relevant to recent campus discussions.
Boe’s focus on relationship violence stuck out as pertinent, he said, as assaults often take place between friends and acquaintances.
“Dartmouth is not known for fostering the healthiest relationships,” he said. “By better understanding and addressing our romantic and interpersonal relationships, hopefully we can make a difference in ending sexual assault on our campus.”
