The libraries are full from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m., the frats from 11 p.m. to 2 a.m. We are studious intellectuals by day and obliterated goons by night. We binge learn and binge drink, the extreme culture extending from studying to socializing. Learn as much as possible, cram, take Adderall so you don’t have to sleep, then drink into oblivion because only belligerence can release the stress — the absurd pressure to succeed. Extreme studying and extreme partying are engaged in a type of symbiosis, which I fear sets a troubling precedent for the rest of our lives.
This summer I set up my Dartboard account, read the “Vault Career Guide to Consulting” and “Case in Point” and went to every session that Career Services offered. I loved it — writing cover letters, networking with alums, doing practice problems.
Everything boiled down to making a profit. I had a singular purpose. Each time I completed a case, I felt worthy. It was a mysterious feeling of power, that I was good enough to enter the elitist sphere of consulting and maybe eventually, investment banking or private equity. I could be “good” enough to be the wolf-ess of Wall Street.
I was diligent, content to work on cases for hours. I was addicted to feeling competent and lured by the prospect of earning over $10,000 for a summer internship. Then, to release, I’d do like most of Dartmouth does and party the weekend away.
I assumed my job would be like that, too. I would work crazy hours and be surrounded by other intelligent, motivated people. We would live a life of expensive lunches and straight gin and Chanel suits. I would work hard, play hard and let the extravagance mute the exhaustion. My paycheck would go toward the extreme partying, as working such long hours at soul-sucking jobs mandates the release only excessive alcohol consumption (and perhaps illegal drugs) can offer.
Instead of horrifying me, this delighted me. After all, I had been taught to accept this type of lifestyle here at Dartmouth.
But then I never got an interview. I was denied 15 times. My self-worth lay in shambles. I took an off term. And only after spending four months with horses and my journal did I realize that a whole different type of passion exists. One can have a passion for the work itself, whether it’s writing or painting or, yes, trading, rather than the lifestyle or salary that accompanies that work.
I do not mean to say that being passionate about wealth management is a crime. If you love banking or consulting or private equity, then pursue your passion. I certainly could not say that was true for me. I was lured by the paycheck and the prestige. I fooled myself into thinking I was passionate and that I could subsist by working maniacally during the week and letting loose on the weekends. I fear the majority of Dartmouth students chase the same illusory goal.
Certainly other factors exist that pressure students into pursuing Wall Street jobs and that pressure to be successful also propels students toward inebriation. There is the notion that if you’re not making a lot of money you’re not doing anything worthwhile. There is the treadmill most of us have been on since high school: work hard, get As, then go to an Ivy League college to validate the hard work and, ultimately, yourself.
I thought that treadmill stopped at college, but I was wrong. I even ran a few miles before collapsing (too much studying and too much alcohol will do that to you). But that collapse helped me get off the treadmill for good. I realized I want a life, not a career.
Maybe I’m bitter because I got denied an interview. Maybe I’m just not of the same caliber as other students because I’d rather not get work done than miss out on my eight hours of sleep. Ultimately, I think I would crumble under the pressure of Wall Street. And maybe (actually, most definitely) I’ll get a lot of backlash for this article — nothing riles Dartmouth students up more than another student telling them that their lifestyle is over-glorified and disillusioned.
But it is worth some backlash if it gets people thinking. I know there are many incredibly bright, passionate students on this campus with the capability and potential to do world-altering things. It seems like a waste to just send them off to propagate wealth and debauchery as the wolves and wolf-esses of Wall Street.
