True or False: At Dartmouth, your friends look just like you.
Well, I suppose how you answer that question largely depends on how you choose to spend your time here at Dartmouth. This is because some activities, more than others, provide us with an opportunity to meet people who are very different from us.
Two proverbial examples of this at Dartmouth are DOC Trips and our freshman floors: Five days in the wilderness with people you don't know and a whole year of living with people selected randomly from a wide cross-section of campus. This translates to: Freshmen year, you meet new people. Ok, great. But where do we go from there? Or, in a nutshell, how do we go about finding our friends?
While this issue of The Mirror has focused on the relationship of Dartmouth to the greater state of New Hampshire, forcing us to think outside of the Dartmouth bubble. But, I want us to step back into that bubble for just a second. How is it that Dartmouth possesses a more diverse student body than the populations of New Hampshire and Vermont combined, yet our campus still remains segregated in so many ways? Some of it, self-induced; other parts of it, peer-induced.
"Lucyyyyyyyyyou got some splaining to do!"
I know. I know I do. So here goes:
Here at Dartmouth we get so wrapped up in belonging to an activity or a group that we often let our affiliations define us. And our friendships reflect this. Look at very committed members of the DOC, for instance. Generally speaking, many of them are friends with each other and, for the most part, only each other. Their friend circle probably isn't much bigger than the DMC or CnT. The same can be said of our fraternities and sororities. You can go ahead and extend the same logic to every quarter of campusour a cappella groups, sports teams, and even affinity houses on campus.
No one person or group is without fault.
And while I can't speak for everyone, I can speak for myself. I came to Dartmouth and I did what I imagine many of us must do. I gravitated towards what I found to be familiar, especially in terms of classes and extracurriculars. I tried to find my core group of friends there. And when that didn't work, I joined a sorority. And I went out. A lot. I got caught up in knowing "who was who." And you know what? It wasn't too long before my friends all looked like me.
And maybe "look" isn't the right word. Maybe it should be "act." Or "talk." Or even "think." Well, pretend this is a Mad-Lib and fill-in the answer of your choice. And then ask yourself whether or not that answer satisfies you. And if it doesn't, change it. Actually do something about it.
Because invariably, if you continue to do the same thing, chances are you'll continue to meet the same peopleor a different version of the same person. I admit, it's the easiest way to go.
I know it's important for most of us to have a core group of people we can rely on. But don't let your core group prevent you from meeting and becoming friends with all the other wonderful people who call Dartmouth home. Because at the end of the day, it is the people you meet who will make your Dartmouth experience great.
And chances are, it's not always going to be your best friend, or core group of friends who makes up your Dartmouth experience. It will be someone who introduces you to something new. Maybe they'll only ever know one side of you. But, I bet you'll still remember them.
I met Uma on the History FSP my sophomore fall. I was one of two sophomores on the program, and I was very much outside of my comfort zone. But Uma, who was a year older than me, took me under her wing and during the rest of her time at Dartmouth. She would always check in on me to see how I was doing.
We didn't hang out all the time. We had different friends. We did different things on campus. She was a year older. We had different D-Plans. But we did stay in touch enough to form a friendship that could survive the crossing of the Atlantic Ocean. Which is sometimes hard to do with friendships made on LSAs and FSPs, or even those made on campus.
Because you have to make an effort.
It's easy to be friends with those who look just like you. And we all do it to some extent. But don't go getting so caught up in it that you forget to reach out to people you don't know as well.
Challenge yourself to get a meal with that person you've always admired but who runs in a different circle than you. Make yourself view an issue from someone else's perspective rather than your own. Go outside your comfort zone and learn about something which you know nothing about. And as for friends, make some new ones while you're at it. You can never have too many.
