Three weeks ago, for instance, I heard another tour guide say, "Dartmouth is like Disney World and Hogwarts, combined!" which is like calling Alcatraz an all-inclusive island resort. With this in mind I've compiled and translated a brief list of some things tour guides say as we amble backwards around the campus.
1.) There's no pressure to drink. Dartmouth students drink no more than students at other schools.
Truth: I should have drank more water before going to bed last night.
Where to begin? Yes, it seems that most colleges around the country struggle with the problem of binge drinking. And yes, over the past decade we have ranked near the median of 3,300 institutions of higher education for reported per capita consumption of alcohol. But it's also undeniable that there's a deep-seated drinking culture here that is entrenched in our most basic beliefs and traditions. For better or worse, fraternities dominate the social scene. Those students who don't drink feel like they are a minority. I guess this isn't a good time to mention that we invented beer pong and that the closest thing we have to a mascot is an anthropomorphic keg
2.) The winters at Dartmouth aren't much worse than those at other Ivy League Schools.
Truth: My roommate was so sun deprived that he got rickets last term.
3.) The nine floors of stacks in Baker and the four levels in Berry are nice for intense study.
Truth: You'll spend a lot of time here pretending to work while you're actually stalking people on Facebook so that you can then denigrate them on bored@baker. I guess this isn't a good time to mention the Dartmouth Seven
4.) The first-year advising system at Dartmouth is excellent. We have a decentralized network of advisors and advising centers that is designed to meet students evolving goals.
Truth: This is a euphemism on par with calling toilet paper "bathroom tissue." What we really have is a crisis-management non-system in which students can go to their deans when they have serious problems but are otherwise on their own. You won't see your faculty advisor again after orientation, nor will you seek out Deans Office Student Consultants or peer academic links. In the end you'll always get your questions answered, but don't expect the kind of personalized attention that you'd find at some other schools.
5.) Ten percent of Dartmouth graduates will marry other Dartmouth grads.
Truth: Hookups dominate most relationships. This is natural at most prestigious American schools where the confluence of intense academics and free-flowing alcohol can hinder the formation of long-term relationships. Nonetheless, the problem seems to be worse at Dartmouth, where different D-Plans can mean not seeing close friends or partners for a year
6.) Affiliation with a Greek organization never defines a Dartmouth student.
Truth: Sophomore rush, open events, heavy-duty philanthropy and (real) beer-pong arguably make Dartmouth's Greek system the best in the country. Yet it's still not for everybody. And although your fraternity or sorority isn't everything, there's an established hierarchy to the Greek houses on campus that influences how students chose their activities, hangout spots and even (to a lesser extent) friends.
Ultimately, while it's important that we tour guides portray the school in a positive and professional way, it isn't fair to be disingenuous with prospective students or to marginalize significant aspects of life here because they aren't attractive to everyone. I don't mean to suggest that we should meticulously detail Dartmouth's flaws that would be counterproductive but rather that we should work to avoid providing skewed impressions of the school to students who deserve a balenced perspective. Simply acknowledging issues, like the drinking culture, would go a long way in helping people make the right choice for themselves and would increase our overall credibility. No school is as perfect as it markets itself as. Why not acknowledge that?
Dartmouth is a fantastic school whose unique combination of academic excellence, undergraduate focus, tight-knit community and beautiful location will outweigh its weaknesses for those who belong here. After all, most tour guides (and students) will agree that we couldn't have chosen a better place to spend four years and that doesn't need any translation.
