For the past three days, "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men has been on a constant loop in my head. Like members Nathan, Michael, Shawn and Wanya, I know my days are numbered but I "can't let go." As hard as it is to admit, I've realized that when summer's over, so is my time in SHEBAlite, meaning that people will only think I'm remotely cool for two more weeks. As harsh a reality as this is, it's something other people too like Bill Mergner, a double-threat in both SHEBAlite and Dog Days of Summer have to face. Knowing that he will only be considered to have talent until the end of August, Mergner mused, "It's kinda like we're the Monstars at the end of Space Jam, and Michael Jordan is about to dunk on us, take back the talent that we stole, and return it to its rightful owners. The end is near, you know?"
Painfully aware of the truth in Bill's words and the awesomeness of "Space Jam," I've decided to ready myself and my MANY fans for the five stages of grief, knowing that the death of my street cred is inevitable. After all, if they forgot about Dre, they will easily forget about me.1) Denial and Isolation: The Tupac EffectWhen the SHEBAlite member first arrives at home for interim, she believes her dancing career is about as dead as Mr. Shakur. She returns to campus with an extra pair of Dunks, convinced that she can easily make the real SHEBA without even trying to become harder, better, faster and/or stronger. In fact, they probably won't even make her audition.
2)Anger: The Black(out) AlbumAfter not getting called back (despite her hoodie clearly matching her sneakers), the SHEBAlite-er angrily replaces all the Talib Kweli on her iPod with Toby Keith and chucks her bottles of both gin and juice. She then lights a bonfire to exorcise herself of her two additional copies of "Step Up 2: The Streets." When she goes to Collis, she passes the Info Desk without a word to Tanaka.
3)Bargaining: The Timb Boots for the BootlegNow the griever may start bargaining with God (or the almighty Hov), asking questions like: "Might I get another chance if I downgraded the radius of my hoop earrings?" or "If I give up trying to challenge Sunja to a krump-off, can I keep Being straight-up G' as my Facebook interest?"
4)Depression: Hearing Spencer Pratt's Rap SingleAfter Sunja dominates the dance battle with a salmon-avocado body roll, the griever feels numb. Unable to move, shake or drop, the reality of her sudden obscurity finally settles in. She watches re-runs of America's Best Dance Crew and winces at the sight of neon spandex. (And at Lil' Mama. But so does everyone.)
5)Acceptance: The Shane Falco Halftime SpeechAfter dreaming of the days of Rihanna before Chris Brown, the griever wipes her tears on her doo-rag and decides it's time to accept the reality of her loss. She thinks fondly of her dancing days and realizes that she got a lot more out of her SHEBAlite summer than just a T-shirt and a lot of tagged pictures (though they didn't hurt). While she knows that she can't wear booty shorts anymore and pass them off as a "costume," she will live to heel-toe another day.
Knowing that I will get through the heavier days without Lite (See? I'm not so bitter that I can't pun), I can relish in my last few weeks of minor fame. So if this means I have my hood up during inappropriately sunny weather, let me have that. You can make fun of me in September.
